


Bokuto Koutarou Does Not Cry

by SoupySoupTime



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Drinking, First Time, Fluff and Angst, How Do I Tag, Hurt/Comfort, I Tried, Jealousy, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pining, Slow Burn, Swearing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-14
Updated: 2020-08-01
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:33:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 24,857
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24717607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SoupySoupTime/pseuds/SoupySoupTime
Summary: Bokuto Koutarou is talented.He is good at volleyball - hell, he is the ace of his own team. He has many good friends, because he is a good listener, an optimistic person who is always ready to help, to offer his advice or simply give you a hug when you need it most. He is strong and enduring, emotionally and physically.But just like any other human being, he has his own limits, has his own weaknesses that would pull him down and hold him under water, drowning him in his own unresolved issues and feelings, which not even he is able to understand.It is only natural to try and move on from someone who doesn't seem to return his feelings. Even though he's not aware, how much is he going to hurt this same person while doing so.Bokuto is trying to move on.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Bokuto Koutarou/Oikawa Tooru, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Comments: 57
Kudos: 86





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Long story short I have no idea how to write notes. But yeah!! This is my first fic, and it was (very much so) inspired by an art piece I saw on Instagram. The artist is @nero___san on Ig, go check them out and give them some love!! They're super talented.
> 
> Yeah so uh,, angst o'clock
> 
> Hope you like it!

No, listen, seriously. The feeling he was experiencing right now? That wasn't nervousness, okay? Like, no way. No, this isn't how nervousness feels like. Like, at all. Not that he'd know, though. He was never nervous. Seriously. Excited? Definitely. Thrilled? You bet. He would often feel elevated. Exhilarated, even. But not nervous. For nervousness was a sign of weakness. And he was not weak. If you asked him, when a person is nervous about a task ahead, or a potential problem, it only meant they were not prepared for it. If you practice, give your best, enhance your strenghts and smooth out your weak spots, your chances of undertaking the issue successfully are increased exponentially. And he cannot allow himself to be anything less than the very best out of all people he played against with his team by his side, supporting him boundlessly. For ace is nothing without their team, who trusts them verily, and no team is left without its ace player - the steady, trustworthy teammate, who always gets the riskiest sets, leaving no teammate disappointed. This is the way of the ace, and this is the way of Bokuto Koutarou.

To be completely honest, he might even be able to admit that this bubbling sensation in his stomach is in fact the intoxicating thrill that occupies his mind from time to time, running restlessly in his veins, making his blood boil with adrenaline. The feeling he only experiences when battling head on against an opponent worth his 100% effort, an opponent who would sure give him a run for his money. In Koutarou's opinion, those are the only teams worth breaking a sweat for. Sure, it is all fun and games playing against an unorganised, inexperienced team, and seeing their players, coaches, managers and audience all drop their jaws agape when first witnessing Bokuto's cross spike from hell in person - but to be frank, it gets a bit tedious for Kotarou when he spikes 40+ points in a game that was already won from the beginning. That is why he absolutely revels in the feeling of his pounding heart, fighting its way out of his chest, while changing out of his volleyball attire into his casual clothes, after a successful (but quite exhausting) practice, the very night before Fukurodani would face Aoba Johsai highschool volleyball team in an official match, on a big, flashy court. This is a game Tokyo prefectural volleyball teams anticipated with great excitement. 

Aoba Johsai has been for a long time the primary subject of attention and gossip among the Tokyo prefectural volleyball teams. And Koutarou was at least absolutely sure and well informed about enthusiasm Fukurodani and Nekoma shared to have a face off with this legendary team in an official match. It was sure a shame Karasuno didn't make it past Aoba Johsai though, Bokuto would lie if he said playing against the demonic crows wasn't a wild ride as well. And yet, if he had to choose between the two teams as to who would he prefer to face officially, it would have been Seijoh. Why, you might wonder. It is simple. This is Fukurodani's last chance to challenge and face Aoba Johsai's third years, and prove their undeniable and definite superiority over them. Even though the word was only spreading even more quickly of their potential greatness as of late. Oh, he heard the rumors, alright. He heard all about Seijoh's almost impenetrable wall that is Matsukawa Issei, about their level-headed, but powerful strategic wing-spiker, Hanamaki Takahiro, and of course, he heard of Seijoh's mighty and extremely reliable ace, Iwaizumi Hajime. But the essence of Koutarou's excitement and intrigue concerning this possibly problematic team were not exclusively these powerful, flashy players. There is another name he heard of, and this name is spoken of with a great air of respect, giving off an ominous atmosphere every time its bearer would become the main subject of a conversation at hand.

"Oikawa Tooru? What about him?"

Konoha coldly deadpanned as the collar of his shirt slipped over his head. It was 10pm, the night was setting late, and the moon was already illuminating the otherwise dark sky. The team has finished up with their practice duties, and were now very close to reaching their so desperately needed slumber.

"I think what Bokuto-san is implying here is that Tooru Oikawa might be the toughest opponent we have yet to face."

In the other corner of the changing room, Akaashi was sealing his locker, being the first one ready for departure. He spoke softly, replying to Konoha's question. 

"That's exactly what I'm saying! Have you guys seen the expression on our coach's face while he was introducing Oikawa as a player to us? The man went pale. And he's never like that!"

"It is true that the mood kind of shifted at the mention of his name, Bokuto-san" Akaashi started. "Although, I cannot say that I ultimately agree with you here. All the information we have on Tooru Oikawa are that he is exceptional at serving, and an extraordinary setter who is able to bring out the best out of his teammates' possibilities."

At this point, everyone was closely listening to Akaashi's presentation. Even Koutarou, who was barely keeping himself standing in one spot, was now intently considering Akaashi's words. This was not a rare case, though. Bokuto can be truly restless and his attention span could be a bit volatile off the court, more so than not. But he always, without exception, listened carefully to Akaashi's advices, suggestions and considered his opinions seriously. Akaashi wasn't an expressive type of person, you could not always read his feelings clearly or understand his pattern of behaviour. But if one thing was certain, and for Bokuto especially, that is that Akaashi will never suggest anything he wasn't sure of at the given moment, nor that he will ever try and do you any harm intentionally. He was a caring, considerate, and very rational person, whose opinion was always welcomed by his teammates, on and off the court equally. 

"So, what you're saying is that, as far as we know, they could just be a flashy bunch of egoistic fellas who decided to play the reputation card to scare off their competitors?"

"Well, not entirely, Washio-san. I am certain that Aoba Johsai has acquired their reputation as a powerhouse justifiably, by playing hard, and winning, and showing and using their exceptional skills on the court. What I am actually implying is -"

"They lost against Shiratorizawa in the past, which means they have weaknesses we can exploit." 

Akaashi was interrupted in his speech by a deep and slightly harsh voice of their coach, who was also already dressed in his casual attire and ready to leave for the night. He stood at the changing room's door with his arms behind his back and the smallest of smiles on his face, which was more noticeable in his eyes, than on his lips.

"Coach Yamiji" Akaashi stated redundantly.

"Now, boys, I understand and even more so, I am encouraging your enthusiasm for our game tomorrow. And as much as I wish we had even more time to practice and strategise our game plan, I am afraid I will have to ask you to go home now and rest up well. You all practiced regularly and diligently. We have left no weak spot unchecked and unrepaired. I assure you, all you could have done by now to make sure you got prepared for tomorrow's game, you have done. There is only one thing left to do for today, boys. And that is?"

"To rest well, sir!" The team shouted, all strong voices becoming one, thus placing another, bigger smile on the older man's face. They are together in this. They are ready.

Bokuto's fingertips felt like they were ignited. He sparkled with electricity from his frosty tips on his hair, all the way to his toes. He is going to play soon. He is going to play on the court! And he is going to play against Seijoh, against a great opponent who is going to make him and his team give their absolute best, push their limits and then... Fukurodani shall be the winner. Bokuto will lead his team to victory.

The team parted on their way home. As always, Bokuto is accompanied by Konoha, Komi and Akaashi on the train. 

"You're doing it again, Bokuto" Komi's snarky remark startled him, since they were (surprisingly) all enjoying a silent trip home. His voice, with a clear suggestion of smirking, made the captain jump a little and look over his friends' faces quickly, searching for the accuser.

"Huh? What? Did you say something?"  
All his companions were now wearing the slightest of grins on their faces.

"Yes, Mr. Daydreamer" mocked Komi. "Dude, how are your cheeks not hurting from smiling so much?"

Akaashi had to join in on the puzzle. Bokuto was smiling the entire day at school, then from the beginning until the end of the practice he was laughing and joking, while playing his (most probably) best Akaashi has ever witnessed. And that was saying something. 

"Ah, I don't even know man! I'm just so pumped to kick some Seijoh ass tomorrow! To see what the entire fuss is about, y'know!"

"You're yelling" We all know Konoha means no harm, even though he is a salty bitch. Besides that, he was absolutely right, Bokuto was really yelling. The lady with her kid holding her hand was glaring at them for making a hubbub, so Akaashi turned to her and bowed slightly.

"Our apologies. We will quiet down now."  
Akaashi's excuse seemed to satisfy the lady, since she turned her back to them once again and carried on travelling at peace.

"Yeah, sorry ma'am!" Bokuto exclaimed, although unnecessarily. 

"Well, either way" Konoha started, while picking up his training bag to take his leave, "we will see how this enthusiasm of yours will keep up when you get your ass handed to you by Seijoh's ace."

"Yeah, you wish! You'll see, though, tomorrow on the court, Seijoh is going down! Then we'll see if your snarky ass will have anything left to say." Bokuto said, while pointing his index finger at his two friends leaving the train. His chin was now lifted impossibly high, almost as much as his confidence. He can do this! He'll show them, once again, why is he one of the top 5 highschool aces in whole of Japan!

"See you tomorrow then Bokuto! Bye Akaashi!"  
As Komi and Konoha exited on their station, Akaashi and Bokuto were left alone.

"Would you like to listen to some music with me, Bokuto-san?" Akaashi was fishing through his pockets, looking for his earphones to hand one over to his best friend. It wasn't unfamiliar for them to spend the rest of their trip home listening to either choice of music from Akaashi's playlist, or some songs that Bokuto had on his own phone. This, actually, wasn't the case only in situations where they got carried away in an interesting conversation, or when Bokuto wouldn't stop joking around and making Akaashi laugh until his stomach would start hurting. Needless to be said, this wasn't an unusual scenario either.

"Yeah, thanks 'Kaashi! That would be great" he exclaimed while joining in on some relaxing tune Akaashi had chosen for them. Bokuto was used to it now, that when it was Akaashi's playlist the one they choose to listen to, he would soon feel relaxed and carefree. That is why it was the perfect choice at this moment, when Bokuto's nerves were burning with excitement. In the end, maybe the reason Akaashi offered him some easy-going music rather than a conversation is because he actually intended on calming his unsteady nerves. Who knows. Akaashi always did know how to approach all of Bokuto's specific needs, and to recognise and act on Bokuto's behaviour and mood swings suitably. So if that was the case this time around as well, that would not be anything out of the ordinary.

As the second song they listened to ended, Koutarou broke the comfortable silence,

"Hey 'Kaashi?"

"Yes, Bokuto-san?"  
He gently looked at Kotarou with his soft eyes that slightly indicated how sleepy he actually was.

"Would ya like to go to a café tomorrow morning before the game?"

Not gonna lie here, Akaashi's eyes definitely sparkled a little at the invitation. But you know, Bokuto could be imagining things. Nevertheless, Koutarou's heart did slightly falter at the sight. Akaashi was always insanely pretty, but when he looked like he was about to fall asleep on spot, with his eyes slightly lidded and his voice even softer than usual, he for the millionth time made Bokuto silently dream of waking up next to that very face, every given morning.

But then, something seemed to occur to Akaashi suddenly, as if a realisation visibly hit him. He sighed,

"Bokuto-san... I would really love to, but I promised my mom I would help her with some errands tomorrow since I was too busy to do so lately because of our practices. I really hope you don't mind..." His voice was so sincere and apologetic at the moment, Bokuto was sure he could convince any person alive into anything he wished.

"Akaashi, not at all! Don't even worry about it!"  
Bokuto said with a blinding grin. "I'm glad that you even considered it at all, I was certain you'd decline because it would be too early, or because you don't feel like socialising" he laughed. "Too bad about the errands though, I'd really love it if you could hang a bit with Kuroo, Kenma and me."

Oh. They wouldn't be there alone then? So, this wasn't like... a date invitation? Well of course not, it would be early, and dates are usually held at evenings. How could he assume this would be a date? He felt so stupid, he could of sworn he had the slightest of blushes coloring his cheekbones right now. On the other hand, he is no longer as bummed out he can't come, since it wouldn't have been a date in the first place.

"I feel the same, Bokuto-san. I am glad you are not upset with me though."

"Upset? With you?? Akaaaaashi! That could never ever happen! You're the awesomest, nicest, coolest guy I've ever pissed off!"

Akaashi was not one to laugh openly or in front of other people, but he could safely say that Bokuto was the one to absolutely ruin his reputation as a gloomy, quiet guy with no sense of humor. Bokuto would joke around with Akaashi all the time, amusing him in the process, or even making him laugh out loud. Koutarou was also very proud to own the title of the only person ever to make Akaashi snort. Not that Akaashi won't deny it until his grave, but you get the point. Even though neither Bokuto nor Kuroo will ever leave him alone, that he was sure of.

But now, in front of dozen of people, one of which is the man he is desperately in love with, he laughed so sincerely, that his blush expanded over his nose and cheeks, spilling a beautiful rose tone over his usually pale, porcelain skin. He covered his lips with the palm of his left hand, in an attempt to muffle his giggling and hide it from other passangers. 

And as for Bokuto? He was experiencing a heart attack. It must have been a heart attack. No other reason as to why was his chest tightening, his breathing was laboured, and this increasing, dreadful pain was filling his lungs. The heavy sensation was spreading through his limbs, filling his stomach and suffocating him suddenly, leaving him deprived of ability to speak. Why? Why the hell was he suddenly feeling _so goddamn sad?_

"Bokuto-san?" Akaashi was not laughing any longer. He was looking at Bokuto with worry in his eyes, and slightly wrinkled eyebrows. Bokuto was not sure for how long was he dozed off in this numb, dream-like state. Could have been minutes. Could have been hours. Bokuto could not tell.

_Come on. Snap out of it._

"Huh? Uh, nothing!" He exclaimed, once again disturbing the silence of the train. He tried and dragged his lips tight into one of his characteristic smiles. "Uh, we're here!"

Bokuto was not sure how the lump in his throat didn't compromise his voice and make it tremble. All he knew was that he was thankful that he managed to cover up this sudden, unclear wave of sorrow with a wide, blinding, toothy grin. 

"Let's go 'Kaashi!" He shouted as he stepped out of the train into the cold night air.

He didn't understand what was it that he saw. Maybe he was just imagining things, which wouldn't be a surprise at all, since he is in a desperate need of a soft pillow and a warm blanket. But he saw something. Bokuto's smile disappeared, possibly for the first time that day, and he looked like he was holding back tears. That is... a horrible sight to witness. Bokuto can be silly, flirty, he can goof off, make stupid jokes with Komi and slice clouds with his nose after hitting a particularly good spike. He can get frustrated or annoyed, he can shout and demonstrate his strenght through his stamina and enthusiasm (and, of course, some arrogance as well).

But there is one thing that simply does not change.

_Bokuto Koutarou does not cry._

Akaashi exited the train slowly, following his captain to the streets of Tokyo. He could tell with most certainty, that he was not going to sleep peacefully tonight.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember when I said I will be updating chapters every three days?
> 
> Sike
> 
> Look I just couldn't wait okAY
> 
> Enjoy another angsty update, it just gets worse!!
> 
> (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

Even though it was obvious that the day was going to be hot like a sauna later on, the weather this morning was quite chilly and fresh. It wasn't windy, or freezing, but it was surely a good opportunity to wear a sweater or a hoodie, just like Koutarou did. 

At 9.30am, he was standing in front of the entrance to one of his favorite café's in whole of Tokyo. The very reason he adored this beautiful and modest coffeeshop so much, was that whenever he spent time sitting at one of their tables, sipping casually on a cup of coffee or some hot tea, he felt like he was at his own home. But let's be real - that was entirely Kuroo's fault. Kuroo has been working at this coffeeshop for several months now, mostly handling the third shift, because of his obligations concerning school and practices. When that worktime didn't suit him, his superiors made sure to adapt to his needs, because Kuroo has always been a responsible employee, who made sure to adapt to his superiors' needs in kind. 

Today, Kuroo worked third shift as usual, so he was free to spend this free time with his best friends at this very café. He figured that Bokuto would need to let off some steam and get his jiggers out before today's game, and you know what? He was absolutely right.

"Ay, Bo!"

Koutarou tore his eyes from his phone screen, just as he was about to call his best friend. He whipped his head back and smiled widely at the sight of Kuroo and Kenma approaching him quickly.

"KuBrooo!" He shouted while raising his arms in 'expecting a hug' manner.

"Good lord, that one only gets worse every time you use it Bokuto-san" Kenma added quietly, but with an excessive amount of salt. Similarly to Konoha, Kenma's annoyed remarks are never meant to harm.

"Why so salty Kenma-my-boy? Too early for a night owl?" Kuroo asked with a shit eating grin. After he survived another one of Kenma's dealdy glares, he leapt into Bokuto's hands, as if they didn't see eachother only yesterday. This meeting reminded Kenma of some kind of surreal renaissance painting from an alternate universe. When he gave it a second thought, he realised most of his usual days with Kuroo and Bokuto would fit into this very description.

Bokuto squeezed Kuroo tightly in his arms, for a brief moment finding some peace and stability in his best friend, like he usually did. Whenever Koutarou experienced a moment of weakness or instability, or when his mind was slipping out of his grip into yet another anxiety attack, Kuroo was the one to catch him and pull him back to the surface, never letting him drown. He is the only person Koutarou has ever allowed himself to show his weaker side to. Only one to see him shake with anxiety or rage, and probably the only person to realise in an instant what Bokuto was feeling, just by looking into his eyes. That is why, when Bokuto squeezed a fraction too tight, and held onto Kuroo a moment too long, Kuroo knew something wasn't right.

"Bo, you okay?" He asked softly, even though he wasn't letting go of Koutarou just yet. He sounded so worried, Koutarou's chest tightened with affection.

"Mhmh" Bokuto's muffled affirmation didn't satisfy the knowing cat. Bokuto's eyes were squeezed shut and his nose and mouth pressed into his friend's shoulder.

"Kouta" Kuroo started. "Let's go inside, 'kay? We're gonna solve this together. Come on."

Bokuto pulled back without lifting his eyes to look at his friend, even though he was aware he was watching him intently.

"Come on" he echoed himself, as he threw an arm around Koutarou's shoulder, guiding him into the cozy atmosphere of their favorite coffeeshop. Kuroo knew being inside a place like that would get Bokuto to relax a little. The dimmed, hazy lighting, the intoxicating smell of potted plants and ground coffee always had the best influence on Koutarou when his facade cracked. He felt safe - he felt at home.

They got comfortable at the table they had claimed the very first time they had come there - the smaller, round table in the corner at the deeper part of the café, not too far away from the smaller windows placed high, close to the ceiling. The walls were rich with old fashioned photographs and paintings, none of which were composed of strong, neon colors. They were all giving off a soft, earthy vibe, granting all the people inside with a truly calming atmosphere. Plants of all species and sizes were dominating every possible spot of the enterior of the café - hanging from the walls, the ceiling, resting on the windows and by the tables, placed on the counter and by the stairs leading up to the second floor.

Soothing music playing from the speakers arranged around the coffeeshop worked wonders on Bokuto's unsteady nerves. He placed his training bag on the floor and seated himself on the chair by the wall, facing towards the center of the room. He inhaled deeply as he closed his eyes and lowered his face into the palms of his hands. He rubbed his eyes, his eyebrows and forehead, and then his palms ended up in his cheeks with his fingers rubbing his temples gently. Kuroo and Kenma waited patiently for him to finish recomposing himself, before they started asking any questions.

Bokuto inhaled once again, placed his hands on the table and started fidgeting with his fingers.

"I, uh..." he started. Bokuto let out a shaky, breathy laugh and then continued, "I- I can't do this anymore, Kuroo."

Bokuto shook his head, the sad smile still sitting on his face. "Can't do it" he repeated.

"What, Kouta?" Kuroo questioned carefully, with no indication of impatience or rush. "What's going on, bro?"

"You know you can tell us anything Bokuto-san"  
Kenma stated softly. At this point, he was getting worried as well. This isn't about volleyball, is it? Is Bokuto so stressed out about today's game that he can't take the pressure? It seems too unrealistic, though - Bokuto never doubts himself concerning this issue. He gets excited, he gets high on adrenaline, but he doesn't take it so far into over-thinking that he decides to ditch. Although, Kenma tought, it might be for the best that this in fact were about volleyball, since if it wasn't, it could be something more serious.

As if Kuroo was reading Kenma's mind, he softly asked, "Is this about today's game, Bo? Is it about facing Seijoh?"

They both got their answer as Bokuto bit his bottom lip and shook his head so slightly, that someone else might even wouldn't be able to notice it. "No, that's... that's not it" he added after a brief moment of silence. Kuroo's chin was supported by the two of his fists, with his elbows resting on the edge of the table. He remained silent for a little while longer, his stare uninterrupted. He waited.

"I have to... stop... having feelings. You know, for- for Akaashi" he stuttered. As he spoke, he kind of looked as if he was trying to realise what to say, or rather, as if he was trying to understand his own thoughts as he voiced them. Kenma realised then, that he might have never seen Bokuto look so confused. So unsure.

Kuroo, though, still remained silent. He knew Bokuto wasn't done speaking, so Kenma followed his example, not voicing this thought.

"We went home together last night, y'know. We just took the same train, as always, just talked a bit and..." he looked at his hands, shook his head again and shrugged. "He just laughed, y'know. At a lame joke I made... And I looked at him, and I just- I couldn't help but think..."

At this point, Bokuto's hands started shaking. Just like his voice. Kuroo was very aware as to why was this an extremely delicate situation - when Bokuto is in public, he is much less likely to express his insecurities or weaknesses openly. If he starts slipping, or catches himself 'over-sharing', as he would often describe it, he will most likely simply back out from explaining himself, cover it up with a laugh and possibly a lame joke. That would usually deceive everyone, make them sigh and simply move on with whatever they were doing. But not Kuroo. He reached out with his right hand, and placed it over both of Bokuto's shaking hands on the table. He squeezed them both meaningfully, as if he were saying, _I am here. I see you. It is alright. You are not alone._

Bokuto's head snapped up, and he looked straight into his friend's eyes, which were looking right back at him, softly, but strongly, with great emotion and significance.

Bokuto swallowed and inhaled once more.  
"Kuroo, I can't feel like this about him anymore. He doesn't feel the same, and everytime I remember that, like I did last night, I just get hurt again. Every goddamn time. It always hurts me, all over again. Feels like getting punched in the gut, y'know, like I can't breathe. I don't wanna feel like that anymore Kuroo... I don't think I could, even if I wanted, to keep going... I don't think I'd be able to bear the pain... Jus' wanna feel okay again- "

"Hi guys! What are you doing here so early? You missed us that much?" Bokuto got interrupted in his speech by a cheerful voice of one of the waitresses working the first shift today.

"Oh, uh, sorry, did I interrupt you guys? Want me to come back later?" she added when she saw three worried, kind of drained faces. Luckily, Kuroo covered up for them.

"No, no, sorry, we just got carried away talking" he laughed, rubbing the back of his neck with the hand he previously used to reasure his friend. "Actually, we're hanging here before Bo's game later! Tryna get him to let off some steam, you know how it goes" he said lightly. 

"Oh, yeah, totally, I get you guys. Then I'll leave you to it, I just need your orders. What can I get you?" 

Kuroo looked over towards Kenma and Bokuto.  
"I'll have jasmine tea" Kenma said, when he saw Bokuto wasn't ready to speak yet.

"Uh, I'll have the same, thanks" he added finally.

"And I'll have a cup of black coffee. No milk, no sugar" Kuroo said.

"You can just drink mud water at this point, it'll taste the same" Kenma added in his usual manner. 

"Zip it, Kenma, I ain't having none of your nasty leaf water in the morning. There is only one right way to start your day - with a strong ass cup of coffee that'll make a guy see into the next week" Kuroo stated confidently.

"That can't be good for your heart" Kenma added, not letting Kuroo (ever) to have the last word.

The waitress laughed, "Coming right up, guys."

As she walked away swiflty, Kuroo and Kenma followed her with their eyes, making sure they are once again alone. 

"You were saying, Bokuto-san" Kenma turned around and looked at Bokuto.

He sighed and then started,  
"Yeah. I mean, that's about it, really. I didn't really sleep well last night because I was thinking about all this. Couldn't get the thought out of my freakin' mind. I mean, am I wrong? What good did I get out of this stupid crush anyway? Actually no, how stupid was _I_ to fall like this? It's not the feeling that I'm supposed to blame here. It's me for not being good enough to meet Akaashi's needs. Maybe he isn't even into guys! Gosh, how fucking stupid am I?"

"Bokuto Koutarou" Kuroo cut him off, his voice gravely. This tone of his made Bokuto look up from his palms where he lowered his face again, at the end of his speech. 

"I already told you, several times, what I think of you calling yourself stupid, so let's cut it right there." He really did. If there was something Bokuto was doing that was pissing Kuroo the hell off, that was when he reffered to himself as _idiot, moron_ or _stupid_. To anyone else, it might wouldn't even seem like that big of a deal, we all call ourself stupid when we make a dumb mistake. But Kuroo knew this wasn't so simple with Koutarou. Because when Koutarou said it, when he called himself an idiot, he meant it. The reason this was the case, was because people kept calling Bokuto stupid, so often, out of joke or seriously, it really doesn't matter - because Bokuto started believing it. And Kuroo wouldn't take it anymore.

"Sorry, bro, I know. I forgot" Bokuto apologised quietly.

"The thing is, Bo" Kuroo exhaled and continued with a gentle, soothing voice, "it's really not a bad thing to have crush on someone. No matter if they return your feelings or not, it's a good thing to like someone for who they are. Especially if, like in your case, they make you want to be a better person. Isn't that right?"

Bokuto didn't answer this question, but that was okay with Kuroo, since he didn't wait for an answer anyway.

"But that's the other thing, Bo" he continued.  
"You don't really know if Akaashi doesn't feel the same, do you?" This time around, he waited.

Bokuto's eyes diverted back to his hands. His eyebrows were slightly crumpled, and his eyes looked so tired... so drained.

"Isn't love supposed to make you feel good?"

Koutarou lifted his gaze and looked into his friend's eyes. Kenma and Kuroo were both watching him, and they looked exactly how he felt. They didn't know what to say, just like he had no idea what to do. Usually in a situation like this one, Bokuto would break the silence with a round of laughter, a blinding smile and his usual, _Actually, never mind, forget what I said!_

But not this time.

The thing is, he waited. He waited for such a long time. Months. Years even, since he was sure he felt something the first time he met Akaashi Keiji. And he didn't spend this time sitting and hoping for the best. Oh, no, he definitely didn't conceal his attraction to Akaashi, or the wish to be as close to him as possible. He tried, and flirted, and talked, and did his very best to get to know him. He made sure to let Akaashi know how much he meant to him, how much he made him feel safe. He tried so hard... and yet it wasn't enough. Don't get him wrong though - Bokuto would never want Akaashi to act like someone he isn't, or to try and change his personality for him. God, no. Koutarou fell for Akaashi because of his personality. Because of how passionate he was, even though he'd conceal it, hide it away from others. Because of how reserved he was, opposing his own personality entirely. Because of how rarely he'd laugh or express his emotions in any way, making Bokuto feel so special when he'd be the exception, the one who got to witness the beauty of Akaashi's smile, or anger, or even sadness, all of his perfect imperfections, for which he put so much effort to hide away from the eyes of the world. This is who Bokuto wanted to be for Akaashi. His support, his getaway, his confidence. But as it turns out, he wasn't enough. Akaashi needed someone better than him.

_And you know what? He deserved someone better than him too. Someone who isn't so arrogant or loud or so blunt. Someone - who deserves him._

This way of thinking, and this very train of thought were most probably the reason he realised,

"I think it's time to let him go."

It was truly a blessing that their waitress came back with their drinks at this exact moment, because both Kenma and Kuroo needed a moment to think. They knew Bokuto needed their support, their opinions. They were aware how much he needed to hear them - but they needed a moment to let it sink in for real. This was a really big step for Bokuto. He had experienced many ups and downs while riding this roler-coaster called 'being in love with Akaashi Keiji' - but no matter how challenging it got from time to time, Bokuto never even considered giving up. He was so persistent and enduring that both Kenma and Kuroo were certain he would, at some point, pull the bold move and simply confess to Akaashi. He never did, and that was most probably because he never got enough of a proof that Akaashi either did or did not feel the same for him. He was just so confused, never knowing for certain. It was enough for him to hold onto this crush for possibly two years now, hoping he would get an indication, some clue as to how could Akaashi be feeling about him. Bokuto never really found out, no matter if the reason for this was that Akaashi was hard to read, or because Bokuto wasn't confident enough to interpret Akaashi's actions as flirtation or attraction towards him.

He waited, and tried, and tried. He tried his best to hold onto this love. 

But, as it turns out, Koutarou had a limit.

And he reached it last night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look I proMISE OIKAWA IS COMING,,
> 
> Expect the next chapter, like tomorrow because I am a mess - anarchy stans (was awake the entire night because I was excited lmao)
> 
> Love y'all <3


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here I am again!
> 
> Thank you so so much for reading and leaving kudos, it really means the world to me to know that you are enjoying my work <3
> 
> Feel free to write comments! :)
> 
> Now, enjoy the third chapter of this angsty mess!

"Thank you"

"Yeah, thanks"

The smiling waitress placed all their beverages on their table, "Would you like anything else?"

"No, we're good for now, thank you" Kuroo smiled politely at his fellow employee. She returned his smile in kind, and then walked away from them once again.

Kuroo leaned back in his comfortable chair and crossed his arms on his chest, looking at his friend across the table silently. It was truly strange for Kenma, seeing these two so quiet and serious in the presence of each other. Usually, Kenma would be half way to the exit by now because his sanity wouldn't be able to cope with some extremely bad, stupid ass joke only these two assholes would find funny.

Actually no, let him correct himself. They wouldn't find it funny. They would be _wheezing_ on the floor, with tears in their eyes, tummies hurting and breathless. Then, they'd keep repeating that same joke, and keep laughing, everytime they hear it as if it's the first time. When that would bore them (yeah, that happened only when they got shot by Kenma's deadly glare), oh that was when hell only started for Kenma. Because then, they would start teasing him and trying to make him laugh with them.

No, of course they never succeeded. They never managed to get as much as a smirk out of Kenma, let alone a full on laugh. Of course not, how could you think that?

... Alright, well there was this one time when they made Kenma spit out his iced coffee through his nose by imitating Lev and Yaku fighting. Bokuto stood on a chair, slicked his hair to the side and kept poking at how short 'Yaku' was, and he somehow and for some reason did so with the worst Russian accent humanly possible of performing. Kenma was convinced that this was somehow an actual crime in Russia because of how bad it sounded. Kuroo, on the other hand, was kneeling on the ground in order to imitate Yaku, and used a lot of graphic no-no words, actually giving his audience a spot-on impression of Yaku. They did this for half an hour, unable to stop themselves from obliviously providing Kenma with blackmail material (look, the shortest ones are always the scariest, no exception). And if he told you they haven't absolutely nailed it, he'd be lying.

This is why Kenma's stomach kept sinking at the sight of his two friends sitting in silence, trying to find the right words.

"Kouta, listen bro" Kuroo started suddenly, leaning towards Bokuto, "you know I love you, right? You know that I only want what's the best for you?" 

Bokuto nodded once more, not lifting his gaze from his smoking cup of tea.

"I would never encourage you or push you to do something that would hurt you. And I mean never. When I do push you, it's because your goofy ass can't see how much you're actually capable of accomplishing. But now, bro, if this is how you really feel? I can't, and more so I don't want to encourage you into suffering even more."

Koutarou's eyes now lifted ever so slighlty, his lips barely parted. "What are you saying?"

Kuroo shook his head, his eyebrow lifted, looking Bokuto up and down. "Let it go, bro. Move on." He finished this sentence by looking Bokuto straight in the eye, looking more sincere than ever.

"Akaashi is a really good friend" Kenma's voice broke their stare-off. Both Kuroo and Bokuto turned to the silent cat, who was analysing and thinking this entire situation through, as Kotarou was presenting it.

"He is a good person too" he continued, uninterrupted. "But that doesn't mean that this crush of yours wouldn't hurt you, Bokuto-san. He isn't a toxic kind of person at all, quite the contrary. And yet, he might not be the right one for you to fall for. You are a good person as well. You are honest, you are hard-working and optimistic. You make a good role-model, I can guarantee that one. Just think of Shouyou, Bokuto-san. He looks up to you for a reason."

And right there, the smallest of smiles broke on Koutarou's face. The thought of Hinata and his characteristic smile that puts the Sun to shame, his undying will and desire to do more, better, the thought of his inspiring energy and devotion filled Koutarou's chest with so much genuine happiness and affection, that this smile breaking through was inevitable. The fact that Kenma was the one who brought up these facts in the first place only made them so much more valuable. Kenma never said anything he didn't mean, or anything he deemed unnecessary, or unhelpful for the situation at hand. He was honest to the bone, never praising anyone unless he truly meant it.

Surprisingly, Koutarou laughed. "Yea, but Hinata isn't a really good example here, is he", he said with the most genuine of smiles. "Kid's mind gets blown away at anything, and I mean anything." 

"You keep talking, dude, but you were as much his fan as he was yours" Kuroo teased, his typical asshole grin that the devil could only dream of pulling off.

"No I wasn't!!" Bokuto shouted. "He was just always so impressed with my incredible skill and talent, 's all I'm sayin'!" Bokuto was now standing with one (1) accusatory finger pointing at the smirking cat.

"Besides," he continued, as he seated himself back on his chair, his arms over his chest. "You were always just jealous because Hinata recognised who the real prodigy was in the third gym, back at the camp" he joked, making Kuroo laugh and lifting the mood exponentially.

He felt better. He felt good. This was a good idea. Talking to his friends and taking their advice.

It wasn't perfect, but it was better.

He felt better. He can do this.

The thing is, he started to realise that the mistake he was making before was that instead of trying to get over his feelings, he paid all of his attention to the fact that they were not returned. Instead of taking a step forward and leaving the attraction that was making him feel so miserable behind, he clung onto the feeling of regret and sorrow he had because of what could have been, only if Akaashi loved him back. 

But... no more.

As Koutarou watched Kuroo try and defend himself from Kenma's roast session (he took Bokuto's side and went in for the kill), Bokuto couldn't stop giggling at all the remarks Kenma presented. The winning one, that Koutarou couldn't believe he himself didn't ever use before, had to be,

"Maybe Bokuto-san is superior to you because his hair isn't sabotaging his vision and he can actually see the ball when he's playing."

Oh, if only he could memorise the expression of complete and utter betrayal on Kuroo's face, and carve it into wood and hang it above his bed, so that he can start each and every day laughing as hard as he was right now. It was absolutely priceless. 

Kuroo definitely tried to defend himself, Bokuto will have to give him that. But no mortal can escape the sheer power of Kenma's sarcasm. As he enjoyed the show that was Kuroo, fighting to death to retrieve his dignity, his attention was drawn by that strange sensation you experience when you feel as if someone is looking your way. He zoned out of the conversation at hand for the moment, looking for the source of this attention-gripping sensation.

His gaze automatically flew left, very subtly, only to find this guy, sitting alone at his tiny table across the room, looking directly at him. Well, that wasn't... strange, right? It did make Koutarou feel some kind of way but... The guy didn't look weird at all. In fact, he looked pretty normal, like you'd expect a pretty guy to look.

He wasn't, like, tiny. In fact, he looked like he'd be pretty tall if he stood up. He had these long legs and slim, elegant arms and broad shoulders that were dressed in a maroon sweater with a turtleneck, that was hugging his throat tightly. The sweater perfectly matched his chocolate, soft looking hair and gentle eyes of the same color. He looked... normal.

What wasn't as _normal_ as you'd expect, was the fact that immediately as Bokuto caught him staring, the guy dropped his eyes to the papers occupying his table. Was he watching him long?

Bokuto didn't look away. He kept his eyes on the misterious guy, because he wanted to see if he'd try and look his way again.

And, oh.

Moments after he tried (and failed) to conceal his staring session, the guy seemed to have zoned out from whatever he was writing on those papers of his, he lifted his eyes slightly, and casted a glance Bokuto's way again, looking straight into his eyes.

But this time, he didn't look away. He kept his eyes on Bokuto, openly gazing. And Bokuto gazed right back.

This kept going for what felt like ages. Bokuto's mind felt as if someone pulled the plug on his thought process and all his thinking abilities. His conciousness seemed to have gone down the drain, since he had absolutely no idea why did he feel this way, why couldn't he look away.

And then, without a warning, the guy smiled. 

And his smile was so soft, so warm, Bokuto thought for one moment that he was going to melt. The tiny smile made his cheeks push his eyelids a bit closer to eachother, in the manner when you can only look into person's eyes and recognise a smile, without even seeing it on their lips at all. His eyes twinkled a bit, their warm color fitting perfectly into the enterior of the coffeeshop. The tiny golden lights hanging all over the café's ceiling spilled hundreds of shining little sparkles all over his face, creating a beautiful show of the night's sky in his eyes.

And yet... Bokuto couldn't help but think, how this show-stopping smile of his, gave away something different, something that strongly resembled sorrow or maybe even loneliness. He had to fight himself mentally to push this thought away, because, for some reason, the lone thought of this guy being sad, made Koutarou feel sad as well.

Once again, Koutarou found himself unable to look away. His face was still, though, he was sure of that at least... or no, he wasn't.

Yup. His cheeks were definitely burning. Now, all the way down his neck and up to the tips of his ears, he was completely positive that he was red as a tomato right now. His eyebrows were both lifted, somewhat giving off a look of surprise or confusion.

However, he still didn't look away. Somehow, he couldn't. He was sure that his eyes were now permanently glued to this guy's face. He could enjoy the view, forever.

Unfortunately, no matter how long this moment might have felt in Koutarou's world, in reality, it only lasted a couple of minutes, maybe not even that much. Because right now, the misterious guy's phone rang, then he glanced at his watch and answered his phone with that beautiful, ice-melting smile on his face. As he talked, he began packing up, and just like that, he was leaving. Koutarou felt so lucky, though (why did this make him so happy?), that before the man with the beautiful smile left him, most likely forever, he spared him one more hidden glance, and one more heart-warming smile.

This time around, Koutarou smiled back.

"Alright, fellas" Kuroo's cheerful voice physically snapped Bokuto out of his trance and brought him back into reality. Man, how long was he out?

Kuroo was looking at the watch on his wrist, smirking with excitement as he exclaimed, "time to go wreck some Seijoh ass!" 

Oh, damn. He was out, alright. He completely forgot about the game he is supposed to play in like, less than an hour. Hell, he forgot where he was sitting for a moment there.

 _Come on, pull yourself together, dude. It was just a smile on a pretty guy's face, not the Eighth Wonder of the World_ , he scolded himself internally. He closed his eyes and took a long, deep inhale, filled his lungs completely and then exhaled, finally stilling his pounding heart. And when did that start by the way? He was certain at this moment that he could have suffered a fucking heart attack, and his brain would probably dismiss it like, _Nah you're fine, fam. But that smile though_. And Bokuto would probably just nod mentally.

As he finally recomposed himself, feeling absolutely present once again, he picked up his almost forgotten training bag off the floor and stood up. He allowed his characteristic, confident smirk to break on his face as he said smugly,

"Let's do this."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Meanwhile, on Karasuno's morning practice:
> 
> *sneezes*
> 
> "Hinata, dumbass, if you catch a cold I will knock your shit out" Kageyama barked after Hinata missed a spike he set for him perfectly, because of his sneeze.
> 
> "I'm so sorry!! I just got these chills all of the sudden!!"  
> he said bowing slightly, and wiping his nose.
> 
> "Alright, now, let's focus on getting the next one you two" Daichi's reasonable voice seemed to have calmed the baby crows down, as they returned to perfecting their demonic quick attack.
> 
> Standing next to Yamaguchi, Tsukishima rolled his eyes almost audiably, and added "Morons."
> 
> Yamaguchi had to agree.
> 
> ~~~
> 
> This chapter contains the description of the exact scene presented in the work that inspired me to write this in the first place, so check it out on @nero___san on ig, you'll recognise it easily :))


	4. Chapter 4

"Alright, fellas. Time to place your bets" 

All the players currently present at the changing room turned to the dark haired boy, who was checking time on his watch.

"Got hit by a bus" Kunimi said, not wasting a second to place his bet, eyes locked on his feet as he was tying his shoelaces.

"Sounds tragic, I love it! Do I hear more?" Matsukawa continued with his pool.

"Got abducted by aliens" Hanamaki's voice was heard as he finished up hydrating himself before the game, his hand on his hip ceremoniously.

"Uncoventional, imaginative, I love it. Anyone else?" Matsukawa looked around the room with his arms lifted in question.

"No one? Iwaizumi?"

Sitting on the bench across the room, as red as a beetroot, Hajime was stewing. His leg was bouncing nervously, and Matsukawa was absolutely sure that the top of their ace's head was steaming. 

"I'm going to strangle him."

"That one, actually, has the highest probability for why could he be this late this time", Hanamaki stated, already standing at the doorframe, ready for the game.

In fact, all of the Seijoh boys were prepared, dressed and ready for the game, that was, by the way, supposed to take place in 10 minutes. Everyone, except their captain. It wasn't unusual for Oikawa to be fashionably late to almost every morning match or practice, but not this late. He always had a theatrical entrance, often times with a Starbucks drink in his hand.

"You did call him though, right?" Mattsun asked in his nonchalant manner.

"I called him! Ten minutes ago!" Iwaizumi shouted in defense. "Kunimi was there, he'll tell you."

"Yeah, I was there, and his Majesty said, and I quote: 'Don't you bang that pretty head of yours, Iwa-chan! I'll be there in no time!'" Kunimi said with a high-pitched voice, waving his hands around like a 12 year old girl.

Kindaichi covered his mouth with his hand to hide away his laughter from others, whereas Yahaba and Watari let themselves fill up the room with laughter to the roof. If you looked closely, you'd even notice the side of Kyoutani's mouth jolt a bit, as if he was suppressing a smile that was getting out of control.

"Good grief, that's spot on", Yahaba added as he wiped a stray tear from the corner of his eye.

"Makes me think Oikawa is hiding in one of the freakin' lockers-"

"Did someone say my name?"

Standing dramatically by the entrance to the locker rooms, Oikawa was granted with an almost audiable eye-roll from Makki.

"Where the _hell_ have you been?! The game is just about to begin and you're wearing a freaking sweater!" Hajime started his scolding session passionately.

"An ugly one with that" Mattsun added, now standing next to Hanamaki.

"Yeah, 'ugly carrot' is definitely not your color, captain" his friend next to him followed up without missing a beat, making him snicker. Those are the pros of sharing a braincell, kids.

"Oh, give me a break, salt queens. I just took a longer route to relax a bit before our performance. Why so grumpy?" Tooru said nonchalantly, with his characteristic smirk.

Oikawa passed by his teammates and got to his assigned locker, starting to undress.

"Trashykawa. First, you made me take your bag for you because of your _getting in the zone_ ritual, and I did it, with no complaining whatsoever, -"

"Please, Iwa-chan, looking at me with murderous eyes and steaming with annoyance does not qualify as _no complaining whatsoever_. Besides, you're a big, tough guy, aren't ya? Those muscles are made for carrying other people's stuff in order to impress them, and you have always been wasting this God-given perk! So there you have it. You're welcome."

"I'm, what-" Hajime started, beginning his approach towards Oikawa. Mattsun put his hand on Hajime's shoulder, in order to regain his attention, because he knew that, when Iwaizumi's vein popped out on his forehead (which was the case at this very moment), things could get quite messy. So he intervened.

"No time for that, dude. We're supposed to begin with official warm-ups."

Iwaizumi lifted his arms with significance and dropped them to his sides with a slap, glaring at his captain.

"Official fucking warm-ups! No comment. Truly, I am lost for words."

Oikawa stiffled his giggle at Iwaizumi's motherly nag. As Iwaizumi was exiting the room, still not done ranting despite being lost for words, Hanamaki and Matsukawa exchanged a knowing glare.

Makki sighed and extended his right arm forward, towards Matsukawa who did the same, and then they started off a 2 wins out of 3 rock-paper-scissors match - in which Hanamaki lost. He threw in a silent 'shit' and then immediately turned to Oikawa.

"Y'all fighting or something, Oikawa?" he said, seemingly out of the blue.

Oikawa looked up in surprise and smiled slightly.

"Oh, don't worry at all Makki! You know our Iwa-chan! A secret softie with a grumpy mask. He's just agitated that I'm not following his inner clock watch. I'm really touched by your concern for my well being, though."

Oikawa was now done changing into his volleyball attire. He bent down to complete the finishing touch, tie his shoelaces. He continued,

"A control freak, truly. He should learn to take the edge off sometime!" he finished with a warmer smile.

"You seem to be in a particularly good mood today, Oikawa" Mattsun added with a lifted brow.

"Yeah, this isn't just your usual asshole-like confidence. Someone you don't like got hit by a car or something?"

"Why, not at all Makki" Oikawa answered, his smile only growing bigger. "I just had a fairly good relaxing session at a really charming little coffeeshop, you see."

"Is that so" Makki said, more so than asked, casting his best friend a meaningful look and a smirk.

"Did the relaxing session, by any case, involve a charming little waitress as well?" Mattsun laughed, making his friend laugh as well.

"Aren't you two curious today!" Oikawa joined them in their round of laughter.

"Alright now, let's get out there and use up whatever warm-up time is left" Hanamaki said as their laughter died down, leading the group of all of the Seijoh boys out to the court. Iwaizumi was standing there already, talking to their coach and waiting for the rest of his team, so that they could begin with the warm-ups.

Oikawa stepped on the squeaky gym floor of the Fukurodani Academy. It was so huge. So bright. Smelled like volleyballs and freshly washed wooden gym floor. The sound of sneakers squealing that might would have been annoying to any non-player has always been mesmerising for Tooru. He dropped his head backwards letting his eyes flutter shut, inhaling deeply, slowly. His lips stretched into a wide, sincere smile. And then he exhaled, feeling goosbumps wash all over his back, down his shoulders, and finally down the entire length of his long arms.

"Good" he said to himself. "I'm good."

He lowered his head forward, looking over his team executing their preparations.

"You just gonna stand there and observe like a manager or are you gonna come here and prepare your dumb ass like a player you are?"

Iwaizumi's voice drew Oikawa's attention, making him look his ace's way. Hajime was standing a couple of steps away, his back facing the net. He was holding one of the balls between his bicep and his side with his left arm, while using his free hand to lift the hem of his jersey and wipe the few drops of sweat pooling above his eyebrow with it. This maneuver blessed Tooru with a breathtaking view of Hajime's defined abdomen muscles. His stomach flexed slightly under Tooru's gaze, making all of his abs jump with the movement. Hajime's tanned belly was already covered with a thin layer of sweat, that was only making this view all the more mouth-watering. 

"Oi" Hajime said questionably when he realised he won't get an answer from Oikawa, unless he takes initiative.

"Huh? Yes! Of course, I- I was just about to, y'know" he gestured towards the court as he trailed off with his sentence. He approached his friend, who was still standing in question.

"What do you think of Fukurodani for now?" he asked as he reached out to Hajime in order to take the volleyball he was holding, ignoring the fact that his throat was still a bit dry.

Without question, Hajime handed him over the ball and looked off towards the opposite side of the net.

"Dunno, man. They look experienced enough. Looks like they have their own groove, you know" Hajime started, observing Fukurodani's team. "Their official setter is a second year, he seems pretty good, though. Pretty composed kinda guy. That's him over there, number five standing next to that buff silver tips guy." 

Oikawa's eyes followed the direction in which Iwaizumi was pointing. And his eyes landed on a raven haired boy with a number five on his jersey, and his teammate standing next to him, with a number four on his back. His left hand was resting on his hip, and his right hand was gripping a water bottle he was casually sipping on. It was a truly satisfying scene, Oikawa thought. That ass should be illegal. Number four's back and shoulders were so broad and his arms were huge. Not bad thighs either... But there was just something else about him that made Tooru squint, as if that would give him more insight into this handsome guy's identity.

It was his hair.

"Wait a minute..." Oikawa said outloud, although only loud enough so that Iwaizumi, who was standing right by his side, could hear him.

"What is it?" Hajime asked, glancing at his friend, and then looking back at Fukurodani's players.

In that moment, Fukurodani's number four turned to the side when one of his teammates called out to him. It was enough for Oikawa only to see number four's profile to recognise who this handsome guy actually was, and why did he seem so familiar.

Tooru laughed quietly and closed his eyes, giving Hajime no answer.

"Well, well, well... it is a small world after all" he said, smile not yet escaping his lips. 

"Who would've thought..." he chuckled once again, a slight blush spilling over his cheekbones. He turned around and walked away from where Hajime was still standing, his eyebrow perked in confusion. Hajime followed Oikawa with his gaze, as if he was hoping to get an answer by watching him for just a moment longer. Then, he turned to Fukurodani's number four, eyeing him from head to toe.

"What in the world..." he asked himself, shaking his head and then turning back to his own team.

Fukurodani was busy getting ready for the game ahead, just as much as Seijoh was.

"One more for luck, Akaashi!" Fukurodani's ace yelled, as he started his running approach towards the net, to spike one last ball for today's official warm-ups. This was actually his ritual, or some kind of a tradition. No matter how many balls he gets to spike during warm-up time, he'd always ask for just one more. If that one would feel good when he spiked it, he'd assign the later success of the game to that one lucky spike. If they'd lose, however, even though the lucky spike felt good, he'd usually say something like: 'Ah, I knew that lucky spike felt funny in my hand!' Or alternatively: 'Did ya feel it Akaashi?! You felt it was an unlucky lucky spike and you didn't tell me, did ya!!' On which Akaashi would usually humor him with a: 'Yes, Bokuto-san. You got me. It did feel funny, I just thought we'd be able to pull it off anyway.' Koutarou would then grant him with a dramatic gasp of betrayal, in hopes of making him laugh, even though they had just lost a game. 

In reality, he never, ever, blamed their failure on Akaashi, or any single player specifically, for that matter. If Koutarou knew something (no matter how unbelievable it sounds coming from him), that was that volleyball is a game of six. If there was an error in their tactics, it was tactics to be blamed and corrected, not a specific individual on the court. If there was an error in their game plan, it only meant that these six players didn't connect as well as they could, in order to develop this plan they constructed. It was team work, team's tactics, and team's game plan.

Today's game plan though? Oh, it was good. It was perfect. Not only that their game plan was ready, but they were truly ready as well. They were in the zone, connected to each and every single one of them individually.

"Oooh yeaaaah!! Hey, heeey, heeeeeyyy!"

Koutarou shouted enthusiastically with his arms lifted in victory, as he spiked a particularly nasty ball right by the out line, letting the thunder-like sound bounce off the walls of the gym, hopefully intimidating the opponent and lifting their own team's moral.

"Oh, damn Bokuto! Real good one!" Komi shouted from the back of their half of the court. Himself and the rest of Fukurodani players were all locked and ready to show Seijoh what they've got. Needless to mention, this applied to Aoba Johsai players as well.

"Bokuto-san" a soft voice, even though quiet, outrung the noise of the players and the entire audience. Bokuto turned to Akaashi, who was looking at him with a smallest of smiles. But this was no ordinary smile. When you spend as much time with Akaashi as Bokuto did, you notice the differences in the slightest of his expressions. For example, any observer would classify this smile of Akaashi's as nonchalant and insignificant, whereas, Bokuto knew that this smile actually made all the difference between winning and losing today. Akaashi was confident.

"Yes, 'Kaashi?" Koutarou asked, panting ever so slightly, his worries from only tens of minutes ago, shoved deep down, far away. Because this was just too important. Swallow the lump clogging your throat, breathe the anxiety away. Shove your feelings far, far away, and deal with them later.

Akaashi looked him straight in the eye and nodded, showing his approval,

"It felt good."

Bokuto simply couldn't help it. His eyes widened, he inhaled sharply through his nose, and his lips stretched into a wide, sincere smile. He was right. They can do this! Akaashi even approved it. Their level-headed, calm, unbiased Akaashi. If he claimed they could do it, oh boy. They could do it.

Even though he only voiced his resolution to his friends right before he'd see the heart of his suffering, he felt alright. That was the weird thing about Bokuto - no matter what a seemingly unsolvable problem he was facing, the moment he decided he would overcome it, that was the absolute end of it. Either Koutarou would solve the problem, or the problem would be the end of Koutarou, defining him for eternity. When he put his foot down and dug his heels in, went head first through a brick wall and clenched onto the image of himself succeeding at the task ahead - when he made sure he truly wanted it - that was when he was sure he'd get it, one way or another. He'll solve this math equation. He'll stand up to that bully. He'll figure out how to break through that wall of middle-blockers. 

_He'll get over Akaashi._ He'll find happiness again.

One of the judges blew in his whistle and the high-pitched noise drew everyone's attention to the big clock on the wall.

It was time.

Koutarou smiled from one eye to another, adrenaline rush already taking over his body as he started to shake with excitement. He gets to play. He gets to play volleyball.

"Captains!" One of the judges' voice rang through the gym, being heard despite the deafening clutter of the audience. The noise of the aplause ricocheted off the huge walls and the high ceiling, letting Bokuto feel that wonderful rumble in his chest. Similarly to when you are a part of the wild crowd on a rock concert, he could feel the clapping, the voices, the bass and the rumble, through his feet, in his belly, up his abdomen, down his throat. It was so suffocating and liberating and loud and yet not loud enough. 

He wanted more.

Still smiling proudly, he turned on his heel and started his approach towards the judge who would decide whether Fukurodani was on the serving or on the receiving side. He threw a glance to his cheering, supportive audience who was loudly chanting his name, and decided he felt good enough to grant one of the girls in the front row with an alluring wink. The girl started giggling cutely with a palm covering her lips, and turned to her friend next to her to hide her reddening face from Koutarou. Even if Bokuto noticed Komi and Konoha rolling their eyes with annoyance (but not with a lack of fondness), it wouldn't change anything, wouldn't change the way he felt, wouldn't take this sincere grin off his face. He finally, finally felt good again, and you can bet your ass he won't let himself feel guilty about it. Although, maybe the look on Akaashi's face would have some significance to Bokuto, even in this blissful state.

Konoha and Komi exchanged a knowing look.

"Akaashi?" Konoha called out questionably, making Keiji jolt slightly in surprise.

Akaashi turned towards where the two of his teammates were standing, Komi's eyebrow lifted in question, somewhat giving off a sense of concern.

"You doing good over there?"

No.

"Yes, of course, Konoha-san. Why would you ask me that?"

His face was heating up, the disgusting, hot sting in his gut was making him want to punch something (or someone) and he had to cover it up, for his own sake. Because, how strange would it be for Akaashi Keiji to be upset over apparently nothing, when he rarely allows himself to show what he feels at all? No. He'll suck it up, it was just Bokuto. He always does things like that. It's in his nature to flaunt and brag and rip clouds with his nose. It was normal for him to show off and boast and yell and...

and...

Smile. To girls... he had never seen before.

He felt his gut turn heavily once again at the nauseating thought.

"Uh, well, dunno, Akaashi. You just looked kinda constipated a moment ago, that's all" Komi added when Akaashi claimed he was actually doing alright.

"Thank you for your concern, Komi-san. I'm alright, though" he turned away, walking towards the center of their half of the court.

"Nothing to worry about" he added, allowing just an ounce of his concealed (but very real and very passionate) rage seep out through these words.

Was it rage, though? No... Not really. There is definitely a more appropriate word. Yeah.

_Jealousy._

Bokuto was walking, waving here and there to some of his cheering fans.

Bokuto stopped on his assigned spot before the judge, smiling jauntily.

And then, Bokuto froze. His smile, that only moments ago seemed indestructible, disappeared suddenly, with no trace of it ever being there at all. His thought process, for the second time that morning, came to a screeching halt.

Because right now, only a step or two away from him, two beautiful, soft, chocolate orbs gazed at him intensely once again. His throat went dry, for he could not believe what he was witnessing.

 _Destiny_ was a word that occupied his mind that second, echoing and taking over every single word Bokuto could have sworn he knew only seconds ago.

"Fukurodani will be heads, Aoba Johsai tails."

But no... it wasn't destiny, Bokuto decided, after he regained his thinking abilities. There is no such thing. There is practice, there is discipline, there is pride... But not destiny. The coin leapt in the air, spinning and rotating around itself. And for a brief moment, while Koutarou got stuck once more observing and maping down and memorising all the lines on this man's face, he was certain, the coin simply hung right there, resting for this brief eternity in the air between them.

He was smiling. Oikawa Tooru, apparently, was smiling at him again. It was still beautiful, it was still warm - but this wasn't the same smile Oikawa Tooru granted him with back at the coffeeshop. No, this one looked different. There was no concealed sorrow behind it anymore, it wasn't casted secretly to an attractive stranger in a dimmed coffeeshop.

It was on the court.

It was in front of at least a hundred of people, by Bokuto's estimate.

It was in public, while he was presenting his own volleyball team as their captain.

It was confident, it was determined, it was...

It was cocky.

And, oh, did Bokuto revel in how this cocky smile sat on this guy's face. Therefore, it was completely understandable why his frozen posture and face suddenly melted, and a grin of exhilaration broke free on his face.

"Aoba Johsai's call. Receiving or serving?" the judge suggested as the coin on the floor turned out to be facing heads down.

"We'll be serving today" Oikawa said, not for one second letting his eyes leave Koutarou's intense gaze.

Bokuto thought how even his soft voice somehow fitted his looks, and completed his innocent appearance and his almost child-like aura.

_I want to hear more._

"Alright then, shake hands" judge said professionally, like he did on hundreds of games before.

Bokuto reached out with his hand to meet Oikawa's already waiting one. His gaze did not break, nor did Oikawa's. Their hands touched, and that is when Bokuto felt it. He realised it.

Not only did he get to see the misterious guy from the coffeeshop again. Not only did he get to see him that same day. Not only did he learn his name and hear his voice for the first time.

He gets to play volleyball against his team, captain versus captain. He gets to play against him, against the famous Oikawa Tooru and it is _him_ , the man that made him smile when he thought he wouldn't smile for a long while.

He gets to play him.

And he gets to beat him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are heatinG UP GUYS,,
> 
> Hope you'll enjoy this chapter, I made sure it would be a bit longer since the last one came out shorter than expected :))
> 
> expect ME with a new ass chapter in a couple of days, hopefully even sooner <3
> 
> Love y'all, thanks for supporting! <3


	5. Chapter 5

"Can you stop that, it's pissing me off" 

"Stop what, I'm not doing anything!"

Couple of minutes right before the game, Kuroo and Kenma made sure to get the best seats on the huge bleachers of the gymnasium. Even though the place was absolutely packed with enthusiastic observers, Kenma and Kuroo found two appropriate seats that provided them a really good view of the entire court. They were in the middle, basically witnessing the net splitting the court in two halves. The first part of the game, Fukurodani will be playing on their left side, whereas Aoba Johsay will start on their right.

"The grinning and pouncing. You're basically radiating with excitement, it's annoying" Kenma said with actual, genuine annoyance in his tone. He is definitely used to being pissed off by Kuroo. Like, come on - he met him when he was twice as short and Kuroo was almost three times shorter than now. But today was somehow even worse for poor introverted Kenma. Because, as he previously emphasised, Kuroo was pouncing. Full-on pony style.

"Oh come on Kenma, losen up a bit! You can't say this isn't exciting. I think this is the first time I literally can't even imagine what the outcome of a Fukurodani game might be. You know how I basically always put my bets on Fukurodani? Well, this time, I am actually worried" Kuroo said, his enthusiasm twice the intensity than before Kenma threatened him to chill out or else.

It was true though. Kuroo always did put his money on Fukurodani, and he wasn't wrong to do so. Fukurodani's volleyball team was an intimidating force that can smash you into the ground and make you ask yourself what the hell just happened before you know it. They took their game seriously, balancing out professionalism and their unyielding love for the sport. The owls always made sure to have fun and then, if necessary, make some first year kid from the opposing team shit his shorts. There was this one time Kuroo watched a game where Fukurodani was hosting against Nohebi Academy. They have only started their final year of highschool, and Bokuto was super pumped because this would be their first time since their beginning of the second year, when they have played Nohebi and faced their sly tactics. The thing with Bokuto is, you can deprive him of a lot of things - you can joke about him, you can provoke him all you want. But one thing he will absolutely not let you have, is a game he had decided he wants to win by any cost. Well, not any. Bokuto would never be the one to cheat and play an unfair game, because, as he put it once,

"If I cheat, then I didn't really win did I? I stole it. And if I didn't win, that means I've lost. And I don't lose. So there you have it."

Truly, there you have it. That's what gets him to his victory and drives him to do more, to push himself until the point of breaking and then push some more. By 'any cost', Kuroo actually considers the fact that he'll play when he's ill, when he's exhausted, when he feels down, when something bad just happened or he suspects will happen in time coming. He'll play, for volleyball is his escape, his path and his absolute goal. This is why, when Nohebi tried to 'steal' his win, by covering up the balls that have fallen out of line, or faked injuries to get extra time-outs, or talked trash about Fukurodani's front line just loud enough so that the subjects of said trash talk could hear them and get compromised - he stayed quiet. He saw all the funny business, saw all the stolen points. And he was quiet. While Konoha was losing his absolute shit at how unfair the lost point was, Bokuto didn't say a thing.

Instead, he laughed. He laughed out loud, so loud that his entire team looked at him in surprise, looking for signs of a stroke, and Nohebi players eyed their opponent's captain in confusion.

"What are you laughung about Bokuto?! They stole it, another one! That ball of ours was in, you saw it too, they just made it look like it was out!" Konoha yelled in annoyance, approaching Koutarou, who was still wearing an enormous grin.

"Konoha-san, calm down. We'll redeem it, the game is not over yet. Although, I have to agree, Bokuto-san... what is so funny?" the sound of Akaashi's voice, trying to resolve the issue, stopped Konoha in his steps.

Bokuto looked up and both Konoha and Akaashi saw his golden eyes reflect the light beam falling from the ceiling, giving his figure an especially intimidating appearance.

"They are cheating" Koutarou said, smirking dangerously.

"Yes we know, Bokuto, that is kind of the problem right now!" Konoha barked back immediately.

Koutarou let out a dark chuckle,

"They are cheating, and we're still going to win. Playing fair and square."

If this statement didn't convince Konoha and Akaashi, who were now looking at him with a sudden wave of respect (and slight intimidation), then the fact that Nohebi was absolutely demolished by Koutarou's cross spikes and straights from hell, literally minutes later definitely did. He won.

They won.

Playing fair and square.

"I understand where is your concern coming from, Kuroo" Kenma started suddenly, jerking Kuroo awake after he wandered off in his thoughts unintentionally.

"Seijoh is a serious opponent to face and a hell of a team to beat... but it's not impossible, Kuroo. Besides, we've seen Fukurodani make the impossible happen times before" he finished, making his trust in Fukurodani clear.

When Kuroo said nothing about his statement, Kenma turned to his left, only to see Kuroo shaking his head, that was resting on his fists.

"No, that's... that's not what I'm concerned about" Kuroo finally said, his eyes not leaving the court where Fukurodani was currently warming up.

Kenma raised his eyebrow in question, not realising what the hell is Kuroo on about. He kept watching him for a moment longer, until he caught the smallest of smirks that escaped Kuroo's facade, thus revealing his hidden intentions. Kenma squinted and let his mouth hang open in mock disbelief,

"You _want_ them to lose. Don't you" he accused, more so than actually asked.

"Oh, come on Kenma, don't you think _want_ is a bit too strong of a word?" Kuroo said, unable to stop himself from chuckling anymore.

"You are - unbelievable. You want Fukurodani to lose because you want to face Aoba Johsai yourself, don't you?" Kenma attacked immediately.

Kuroo continued, still snickering, "Alright, alright, you caught me. I do feel guilty about it, though. But you gotta understand Kenma, I can't help myself. If Fukurodani wins, again, then we face Fukurodani - again. And we've played them bunch of times - we won, we lost, we learned a lot about each other and then played against each other, yet again. I wanna play Seijoh! Nekoma never played against Seijoh and this is most probably our only chance to play them while we're here, and while those wicked third years are still there too! We can play against Fukurodani anytime... but Aoba Johsai is most probably a one time deal" Kuroo explained, not once interrupted. Kenma was listening to him silently, considering his words with patience.

"Besides," he continued after a brief moment, "you know very well Bokuto will give them hell, and even if they do lose, they'll recover quickly. They're not stupid, they don't feel inferior after they lose to a good team... It wouldn't be the worst thing really. But current Nekoma third years? Not being able to play Seijoh, ever? Now, that sounds like the worst outcome to me" he finished.

Kenma considered Kuroo's explanation for a moment, and then said with a sly smirk,

"If I rat you out to Bokuto-san that you rooted against him, he will change your name in his contacts to 'traitor' and he'll never stop screwing with you about it."

Kuroo laughed, "You'd never do that to your best buddy!"

"Watch me" Kenma said with a chuckle, looking Kuroo directly in the eye.

"Captains!"

The sound of whistle ringing through the cheering crowd snapped Kuroo's and Kenma's attention back to the court, where the captains of Fukurodani and Seijoh met at the moment and were about to shake hands.

Kenma squinted at the two captains,

"Why does Bokuto-san suddenly look like he's about to chicken out? He was smiling just a second ago, right before he saw Seijoh's captain" he pointed out.

Kuroo raised his eyebrow in question.  
"Hmm" he mumbled as he put his palm over his mouth in deep thought. He tilted his head slightly to the side, watching Bokuto as he was listening to the judge. Then, suddenly, Bokuto started grinning, after watching Seijoh's captain so hard for a couple of seconds, it looked like his life depended on it. When the captains shook their hands and something seemed to have clicked on Bokuto's face, that is when Kuroo has come to his realisation.

He chuckled lightly, somewhat enlightened, and leaned back in his seat, putting his arms behind his head to let it rest in his hands.

"Seems like our BokuBro has just gotten over his little problem from this morning" he said, smirk still not abandoning his lips.

Kenma turned his head from Kuroo as he finished speaking back to Bokuto, who was departing from Seijoh's captain. Even though they both turned away from each other and started walking towards their teams, neither of them have stopped smiling. They wore their chins high and walked, with confidence and pride defining their steps. Kenma couldn't help but think, what truly strange beings captains are. He can rarely tell what is going on in a head of the leader of some peculiar team, especially if the said leader seems just as peculiar as the people he plays alongside of. With Kuroo it is different, though, for he had known Kuroo basically his entire life, or the majority of the life he actually remembers, the least. With Bokuto, no matter how close they always were, it was more complicated than that. This situation, though, might be a bit less complicated than it seems, Kenma thought.

He knows that look. He knows how Bokuto looks like when he's talking to Akaashi - even when he is thinking about him, for God's sake. The look in his eyes that he granted Seijoh's captain with? That was the look with the spark in his eye, from the beginning reserved for Akaashi. Kenma decided that something is surely going on there.

And you know what? That is good. He is happy for him. He is happy for Bokuto, for being able to take initiative and do something about how he is feeling. It's truly hard to pick yourself up from the ground when you fall as hard as Bokuto did. Especially as fast as Bokuto did, but somehow, this didn't surprise Kenma. Bokuto wasn't one to dwell too much. Honestly, he was the perfect example of a go-getter. Bokuto sees something he wants and goes after that goal with the entire strength of his being (and we saw what happens to his moral when he doesn't end up reaching said goal). If he did dwell on his thoughts or feelings too much, this meant that his insecurities caught up with him and grabbed him by his leg - like weeds, rooting him to the ground, leaving him unable to move forward. Unfortunately, this is exactly what happened with -

"Akaashi!" Bokuto's thunderous voice made his vice-captain's eyes zone back into reality, even though he has already been watching his captain as he exchanged his formalities with the opposing team's captain. That scene was... definitely kind of strange to witness, in it's own way. Goodness, why the hell was Akaashi feeling like a jealous 12 year old? Why was everyone suddenly making Akaashi feel so protective of Koutarou?

Well... actually no. Not everyone. Just that girl Bokuto tossed a wink to, oblivious of Akaashi's flipping insides, and...

and...

"Come'ere 'Kaashi! It's game plan time!" Koutarou exclaimed enthusiastically, waving his hand in inviting gesture.

Akaashi inhaled to still his pounding heart (why was it pounding again?) and nodded his head, starting his little jog towards his waiting captain and the rest of his team.

"Aight now fellas" Koutarou started as he formed a circle, with his teammates surrounding him after he summoned them. Akaashi joined the circle, and now, with him present, Koutarou threw his arms over the two people next to him - which were supposed to be Konoha and Washio, but conviniently turned out to be Konoha and Akaashi, as Keiji squeezed himself between Washio and Koutarou. Bokuto's left arm flew over Akaashi's shoulders and back, and the rest of his teammates copied the gesture.

"Now, I know what this looks like. Scary ass team in blue over there wants to give owls some hell" Bokuto started, all eyes fixed on him.

"However, I think now would be the right time to ask you guys a couple of questions,"

Bokuto looked towards his middle blockers on his left,

"What are your roles in this play?" he said, nodding his head towards them.

"We defend the fortress" Washio responded immediately, Onaga nodding his head in approval.

Bokuto smirked and turned to his libero,

"Komi, bro, what are you gonna do?"

"Easy, bro - dig up every single ball that comes my way" Komi grinned, making his captain grin as well. Bokuto knew his libero would never let him down, never leave him hanging.

"Need I ask?" Bokuto said with a huge ass grin as he looked over his spikers who were already waiting for his call with snarky grins of their own. The entire circle laughed in excitiment, already feeling what their captain was trying to do with this roll call. They believed in him, and this is how he displayed his undeniable belief in them. He connected them.

After a few brief moments, after the laughter had died down, Koutarou finally turned to his left.

He was looking directly into Keiji's eyes. He was so close, Keiji barely managed to see the most of his face. He was now dead-on staring into two beautifull golden orbs full of life, that were staring right back, freely.

Did he ever see something this beautiful? The sunrise can't compete, golden jewelery and forbidden treasures now seemed pale and dull, every sunflower on the planet is put to shame by these beautiful eyes of the man he loves. It wasn't only the sight that had his breathing laboured at this moment, though. For he was currently experiencing a sensory overload. 

Beside the incredible scene of Koutarou's gentle, pale skin and gorgeous eyes, Keiji felt warmth. Why was he so warm, again? 

Oh, right. The arm. The body. They were all bundled up so close that Koutarou's body was flush against Keiji's, and he felt so safe and warm and protected with Koutarou's arm over his back. He felt as if, as long as Koutarou's arm rested on his back, he would be shielded from all harm and every evil that exsists. It reminded him of the feeling he had as a child, when he would cover himself over his head with his favorite blanket, in nights when thunders would keep him awake.

And, oh, lords... the smell. The hypnotising scent of Koutarou's shower gel, and earth and plants and pine that had Keiji's eyelashes fluttering in intoxication. He was suffocating, drowning in Bokuto Koutarou, and it was so, so good, dear lord - he never wanted it to end. Let him drown, don't leave, for just a tiny bit longer, let him -

"Akaashi" his voice was so soft. So silent, it was only meant for Keiji to hear it.

"Yes... Bokuto-san" Keiji said slowly, matching his tender tone, not letting his eyes leave this incredible scenery. Keiji's throat is dry but he can't swallow. He's so close, so, so close...

"I trust you, 'Kaashi" he said.

Akaashi inhaled sharply through his nose. This is the same emotion he noticed in Koutarou's eyes last night. Same... inexplicable sorrow. Keiji wondered, why did he only look like this when he was looking at him. 

When Keiji didn't say anything, but kept staring dumbly up at Koutarou, he spoke once again, more loudly, more clearly,

"Give me your 120% Akaashi"

Akaashi's heart swelled as his lips pulled into a gentle smile. This man always knew what to say, always knew how to pull him back into the game, just as he did now. His eyes widened just a tiny bit more. He knew at this moment, if they weren't surrounded by this many people, he'd let himself tear up. He'd let Koutarou see him caring. To hell with everything - he'd let his Koutarou know how happy he is to be right here, right now, next to him - playing with him.

Keiji realised that he gets to set for Koutarou, once again. Koutarou trusts Keiji to give him his 120%, because he knows Keiji will expect nothing less from his ace as well.

And fuck everything if he is going to miss this opportunity to make Koutarou proud, and win.

Win with him.

"Yes. Yes, I will Bokuto-san" was all he needed to say. All Bokuto needed to hear.

"Well then," Bokuto said, straightening up and stretching his arm into the center of the circle.

"I am more than proud to lead this team to victory! I know who we are and what we're gonna do!" he shouted.

"So... tell me -

WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?" he yelled with a blinding smile.

"FIGHT - AND - WIN", the team shouted back in unison, matching Bokuto's intensity and emotion.

"AND WHO ARE WE?"

"FUKURODANI" the boys shouted, overpowering the noise in the huge gymnasium. They threw their joined hands into the air, showing everyone present that they are - very - ready to begin. The crowd went nuts and started with their powerful chanting and aplauding,

"Fu - kuro - dani! Fu - kuro - dani!"

As the gym filled up to the lid with screams and cheers, a boy with chocolate hair, dressed in mint smirked, looking Fukurodani's way through the net.

"Think it's time to show them what we got?"

Oikawa turned to his fellow players. The Seijoh third years were smirking, looking just as ready as Oikawa felt. Mattsun was watching Fukurodani with a dangerous look on his face, and Makki gave off his usual relaxed vibes with his hands stuffed in his shorts and a smile stuck on his face. Iwaizumi, though...

"Hm?" Tooru mumbled when he noticed Iwaizumi stretching his arm out to his setter, his fist calling out for Tooru's.

"We trust you, captain" he said, speaking in the name of all the Seijoh players. And then with a smirk, he added,

"Give them something to sweat about."

Oikawa smiled, genuinely, not wasting another moment to join his fist with Iwaizumi's. Not a second later, a dozen of fists joined their captain's and their ace's, making Oikawa realise, for a hundredth time - he is not alone. Not on the court. His team has got his back. And his team knows that he has got theirs as well.

"Alright then, Seijoh. We ready or what??" He shouted enthusiastically, letting his teammates answer with the exact same energy, if not stronger,

"YEAH!" Their fists flew up in the air as they separated, leaving only to take their assigned positions, with Oikawa starting at the back.

He will be the one to land the first serve.

"Isn't their captain the one with wicked serves?" Komi shouted, his nerves suddenly kicking in.

 _Finally_ , he thought. _I work better under pressure._

It was true. If Komi was too relaxed, he wasn't present. When he was at least slightly nervous, like he was right now, it meant his eyes will be open, his mind clear. Now, he can operate as expected from his captain and his team.

"That's how the word goes" Bokuto shouted back, not taking his eyes off Oikawa, who was now standing behind the line, with a ball in his hand.

"Let's see if he lives up to the gossip" he added, at this point more to himself than to Komi. His eyes were wide open, his knees slightly bent, his arms parted in front of him. He was ready to try and receive, even though he usually wouldn't receive, only spike, especially the first few balls.

His throat was slightly dry, but that's okay. He swallowed thickly, uselessly. His heart was pounding, but that was okay too. His lip was quivering because of how long he was smiling, his cheek hurting - and this was okay as well.

"Come on" he whispered. "Do it. Give me all you've got."

Oikawa inhaled, letting himself slip into the zone. He spun the ball between his palms twice, getting used to its size and texture. He exhaled through his nose.

He was perfectly aware how important the first ball is. It can launch team's moral to the moon and intimidate the opponent to the point where it would affect their play throughout the entire game. He knew it, because he did it before.

_Let's do it again._

He launched the ball over his palm and past the tips of his fingers, letting it fly over his head and forward. He made one, two, three big steps.

And then he jumped.

He swung his arm powerfully, and his palm connected to the surface of the ball once again, but this time in a completely different manner. He didn't caress it no longer. He ripped it through the air with monsterous strength, the sound of a skin-bruising punch kicking the air out of everyone present. As soon as this sound ricocheted off the gymnasium walls, another one followed, like an echo. The familiar sound of the ball smashing painfully against the wooden floor, and the following sound of it bouncing away carelessly, as if it didn't just suffer a bone-breaking service ace.

Every player on the opposite side was frozen in place, no one allowing themselves believe that this somehow wasn't illegal. 

This wasn't a serve, it was a damn spike.

The whistle marked the won point, the first one to break on the scoreboard.

The entire Seijoh team shouted and cheered as they turned to their captain, who they knew would never let them down.

"Nice one, captain!!"

"Alright!! Let's keep it up!"

"Give 'em hell Oikawa!"

As the cheering continued, Akaashi had to physically shake himself out of the trance he fell into. He simply couldn't believe this. His strength is unbelievable, even the place he pin-pointed to hit - but, no that must have been a fluke... right?

Keiji couldn't help himself, he needed to turn around and look over his teammates' faces. He wasn't the only one who was caught by surprise, the entire team seemed to have had the same thought. To be exact, they all seemed to think _holy fuck_ silently, in unison.

All of them, except Bokuto.

Oh, Bokuto looked different, alright. He was standing still, but he wasn't still. His mind was racing and anyone could have seen it in his eyes, clear as day. His lips were pulled in a huge smirk, no - a smile actually, an excited smile that made his eyes shine. He was looking directly at the monsterous captain, who was -

Oh.

He was looking directly at him too.

And he, he was... laughing?

"What are you laughing about?"

Hanamaki's voice caught Iwaizumi's attention, but not Oikawa's, apparently.

He kept chuckling sweetly, with his hand over his lips, as he watched Bokuto's lips pull even more and reveal a huge toothy smile. What really made Oikawa burst was when this silly guy put his thumb up in approval, now officially making everyone present, except Oikawa, confused. Bokuto mouthed 'Good one', and was obviously very pleased to see Tooru blush as he laughed some more.

"What a goof" Tooru said, apparently to himself, but actually to make everyone stop staring at him with those confused looks on their faces. He turned away towards the line where he would serve again, hiding his smile and blushing cheeks.

"Did he just give you a thumbs up?" Iwaizumi asked.

He didn't get his answer either. That wasn't unexpected - Oikawa was on another planet. His tummy was filled with butterflies. He really needed to calm down, or he won't see any more thumbs up this game. 

"Yeah, Seijoh is apparently great Bokuto, but you're playing for Fukurodani!! How about you get your ass up instead of those thumbs and dig up a ball next time?!" Koutarou was certain he saw some foam at the corners of Konoha's lips, so he folded.

"Oh, yeah, yeah, sorry you guys, it was just such a great serve! I got distracted, sorry! Let's get the next one, huh?" he said, rubbing the back of his neck.

Konoha definitely swore under his breath and gave Bokuto a week worth of flinches every time he'd lift an arm around him. He got away with it this time, though. He was sure no one noticed the slight flush in his cheeks, or if they did, he hoped they'd recognised it as excitement about the game, rather than the heat rising through his chest all the way up to his ears, all because of the prettiest sight he was lucky enough to witness today. 

His smile was so beautiful, Koutarou completely ruled out the posibility that his laughter could be the end of him.

His eye diverted for a split second from the other side of the court, to his setter. The glimpse of Keiji's facial expression he caught before Akaashi completely neutralised it, as if he was hiding it, was unclear to Koutarou. The furrowed brow, the frown in his curved lip, and the stiff shoulders - they all gave off a strange kind of energy.

What was Koutarou missing?

Even Kuroo and Kenma, who were far away, sitting on the bleachers amongst the deafening audience, could hear the sound of Keiji's heart starting slowly to rip apart. How could Koutarou not?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first third of this chapter was written when I was drunk, the second third after I applied to college and the third one was written at 6am after not sleeping at all
> 
> So I guess you guys understand whY IT SUCKS SO BAD  
> ________________________
> 
> I am SO sorry this is so late, but this was the hardest chapter to write because nothing really happens in it - it's kind of a inbetween chapter, so the next one will definitely be much better, I am so sorry,,
> 
> Thank you for reading and leaving comments and kudos, those are what really motivates me to write even more!! <333
> 
> I'll be back in a couple of days!!


	6. Chapter 6

Keiji's face flushed in heat as he swung it back in front of him, ripping it away from Koutarou's confused expression. He had to recompose himself quickly and ground himself firmly.

_What time was it?_

It was morning, a chilly, fall morning.

_Where was he?_

He was in his own school, on his own court, in Tokyo.

_What was he doing?_

He was...

Oh. He got it.

"Shake it off everyone, we'll get the next one!"  
Keiji was the first one to shout the reassuring words they were oh so used to hearing. It was obvious that he snapped everyone out of their shock with this exclamation, some of them even physically shook their heads to regain their focus. The problem, though, was - he didn't exactly know if they would truly... _get the next one_. He couldn't imagine himself, to be exact, reaching out and trying to dig up a dead-on spike of a service ace, with his bare hands. If he had, like, a shield or a baseball bat, he might would have reconsidered. But this? Oikawa's serve made the ball seemingly disappear in the thin air for a split second, and then, just like that, it was smashed out of its shape off the floor, and far into the back of the gym. His arms would have snapped right off, he was certain.

There were people on this court, whose job was to dig up balls like this one.

"I'm so sorry everyone!" Komi's voice drew everyone's attention to the libero, who was slightly bowing apologetically.

"Komi-san, -" Akaashi started with intentions of making sure their libero knew this one was 'definitely just a fluke' and that they would 'get the next one for sure', when he was interrupted by Bokuto.

"Komi, don't stress it, dude! This was for sure a nice way to start the show, wasn't it!"

"I told you Bokuto, you'll get decked in the ribcage if you keep cheering for Seijoh" Konoha added quickly.

"No, no, listen, bro!" Koutarou waved his hands in front of him in explanation. He was the centre of attention on their side of the court for the remaining few seconds, as he continued,

"Let me" he said, pointing at his chest with his thumbs.

"Let me receive the next one."

Bokuto's teammates exchanged a few glances topped with raised eyebrows, and then Konoha voiced the source of their confusion.

"You? You're gonna receive a ball? Did you hit your head this morning or what?"

"Oh come on, Konoha! I receive balls!" Koutarou laughed.

"Yeah, but not with this much enthusiasm. Usually you're just pissed that you can't spike and jump the entirety of the game" Konoha said, matter-of-factly.

"You don't get it, Konoha. I want to dig up _his_ ball. _That_ ball. The monster serve. I want to receive it" Koutarou said with a contagious ammount of excitement, pointing to the other side of the net.

"Bokuto, for all we know, that could've been a fluke!" Komi said, raising his arms.

"No way, my gut says differently. Besides, I already heard the rumors about this guy's problematic service aces" Bokuto started, looking off to the other side of the net.

"And to be honest... I hope it wasn't a fluke. I wanna see it again, and more. Imagine what else he can do if his serves are this wicked!"

Komi approached Koutarou, put a hand on his shoulder, and said sincerely,

"Bokuto, dude, you freak me out sometimes."

Koutarou laughed, "This means you'll let me get it if it comes my way?"

The sound of whistle rippled through the air of the gymnasium.

"Alright then. I'm counting on you captain."

Koutarou smiled even wider at Komi who was repositioning himself for the receive.

"This one is ours. Just you wait" he said to his teammates, even though he was sure that no one could really hear him over the deafening audience.

A moment later, another bone breaking spike of a serve ripped through the open air, but this time the ball connected to the sprawled out arms of Fukurodani's libero. And that's as far as it got before getting shot off his hands and behind them, to the back of the gymnasium. The sound of the whistle marked another point lost for the Fukurodani and another one won by the Aoba Johsai.

"God damn it!" Konoha shouted and turned to Bokuto, as if he wanted to see his reaction.

"It's alright, come on guys! Shake it off!" Bokuto reassured his team, clapping his hands together to gain their attention. "Komi, it's all good, next one is ours!" he yelled to his libero. It wasn't unlike them to jump in after a couple of points, that wasn't the issue here. It was those damn service aces that made everyone feel like all the strenght is being drained out of the team. Like a punch to the gut. And all the 'punches' you receive in the game of volleyball, you receive as a team, not as an individual.

He took two steps towards Komi and this time, he put his hand on his shoulder.

"Time to wreck these guys for good."

Oh, Komi couldn't say no to that. What kind of a libero would he be?

"Let's do it."

Like a mantra, another whistle rang through the gym and seven seconds later, the bullet ball is shooting towards the opposite side of the court.

Only this time, when Komi received it with a grunt, it flew up. Not back. Up and forward.

"I got it!" Akaashi shouted as he shifted this position towards the center.

"Bokuto-san!" 

The only signal he needed.

Bokuto grinned widely, and focused. He watched the ball, saw it approach. He glanced in front of him for only a fraction of a second. Two big blockers on the left. Now this is just the right moment to turn the tides.

He jumped, as strongly as his muscles allowed, his arm whipped forward, and just before it came into contact with the ball, he derailed it to the right. The thunderous sound of his palm punching the ball with mind-blowing power echoed off the gymnasium walls, overpowering all the other noises. The ball cut by the net, hitting the floor with a loud thud, ricochetting somewhere into the suddenly silent crowd.

Seconds later, audience started clapping and cheering, letting the moment linger. Seijoh players though... 

"What. Was that" Kindaichi blinked, gazing through the net with widely open eyes.

"That, my friends" Oikawa's voice drew all the Seijoh players' attention towards the back of the court, "was power presentation."

Oikawa smirked, "and I don't think this is the most we should expect from this guy."

"How are we supposed to stop him from breaking through with _that_ strenght? Or at least stop him from having an opening when he just made one for himself in a split second?" Matsukawa made a point, with slight panic audiable in his voice. This wasn't a joke. It was a game changer.

Everyone, especially Seijoh, felt the momentum shift the moment Fukurodani's captain risked a shoulder dislocation pulling off that spike. Much to no one's surprise, Oikawa didn't look too worried.

"We're gonna do it the way we do everything. We will suffer a few lost points before we see a pattern, come up with a plan and crush them to the point of no repair. You know that saying, Mattsun" Tooru said, hands resting on his hips.

"You can't make an omelette without breaking a few eggs."

The game continued on, lead jumping and switching from one side to the other from one moment to another, always keeping the observers on their toes. One second, the Seijoh's supporters are on their feet, cheering and clapping because of a skin-ripping perforation through the wall, professionally handled by Iwaizumi, and the next one, they are gaping in disbelief, after witnessing another impossible dig-up by Komi, set up for Bokuto seconds later and slammed, unsaveable, to the ground.

It kept going on and on for unbelievably long, first set won by Fukurodani, but retrieved quickly by Seijoh. So many spikes were blocked but then dug up swiftly, or they broke through, only to be saved by the other team. It was truly anyone's game until the very end.

The teams ended up facing a duce, and then another one, and then one more, in the third set. No one is backing down. No team wants the victory more than the other, and yet they are equally drained and exhausted, all their time-outs spent. Players who didn't leave the court the entire game started feeling that familiar burn in their thigh muscles, that made their legs respond slower. This didn't stop any of them from staying on the court until the very end.

"What's the play 'Kaashi?" Koutarou panted, resting his palms on his knees. Him and Oikawa must have been the ones most tired, since neither stopped giving their absolute maximum throughout the entire rally.

His setter turned around to inspect his captain's features. His biceps were bouncing involuntarily, means his arms were weakening from the labour. Thighs were looking alright for now, although Akaashi could only imagine how much his leg muscles were hurting at the moment, or how sore his feet must have been, considering that he made 80% of the points dedicated to his team, and all of those points he made by jumping. He will be okay, Keiji decided. He can do it. He knew one fact not many people knew, and that is that whenever Koutarou felt _weaker_ , he felt a need to do more, to make up to this weakness. He could, of course, treat him more gently and let his team lose, resulting in Koutarou sulking and pouting the entire incoming week. Akaashi decided not to. He will push his captain to and over his limit, and he will help him get what he wants so badly.

Victory.

Akaashi turned to the scoreboard, that was showing match point for Seijoh. _This is fine_ , he thought. They can work with this. Not much room to breathe, but still not over.

"We need only one point, Bokuto-san" he shouted, turning to his captain. "Just one for now, we gotta take it as a shield. Then, we can work out the play."

Koutarou smiled, his expression softening, because he knew Akaashi is right. Yes, it is incredibly obvious and someone might think it's not necessary to be said. It is, though, very necessary to be heard. In times like this, when it is one point, one ball between victory and failure, a person playing is most likely to have their mind overloaded with tactics, or stress and paranoia, and fear of losing. Sometimes they can't make a plan because of all the 'what if's that are flooding their brain. Especially if the _person playing_ is a captain, who is supposed to be the reliable backbone of the team. In most cases, an obvious reassurement or a reminder is just enough to get you back on track, and allow you to focus on one thing at a time. Besides, when you tell yourself _one more point_ , you are more likely to focus on that one point ahead, than if you think _if we lose this one point we're toast_.

Bokuto turned to see whose turn is to serve and, looking back at it, he better not have.

Because, _of fucking course_ it's Oikawa's time to serve now of all times. That is simply his luck.

No. Not luck. The luck is on his side. _Their_ side. Akaashi said that the lucky spike felt good. It's gonna be okay. It will be okay.

The whistle blows.

The ball launches with a smack.

The ball flies.

Further and further, over the net.

To Koutarou, it all seems like it's happening in slow motion.

He looks to his side, where Konoha was the one receiving the ball. His face twisted in pain as his thigh probably cramped when he crouched. He sent the ball to Akaashi who was waiting for it, knowing exactly who is going to get this fate-defining ball. 

"Bokuto-san!"

He looks up.

He runs towards the net, probably a hundredth time today, still ready to jump nevertheless.

He'll always go after it. After every ball. He'll never give up on it. As long as Akaashi sets for him, as long as he trusts him enough to give him all these chances to bring victory to his team, he will always run. Always jump. And always spike the ball with all the might still flowing through his muscles, along his arms, to the tips of his fingers. And he knows Akaashi feels the same. As long as Koutarou is ready to go after them, no matter how hopeless the situation might seem, he will always set the ball, and preferably (unbeknown to Koutarou, though) he will always set those balls to him.

Koutarou's thighs are burning, his blood boiling and sweat trickling down his neck as he jumped. And he jumped with such might that he saw clearly, _so clearly_ , the scenery beyond the net. His eyes met Oikawa's, whose knees were bent slightly and arms spread apart, ready to try and dig up any ball Koutarou might send him. He was looking directly at him, not even blinking. If Koutarou had blinked, he would have missed what happened, in an absolute split of a second.

As he spiked the ball straight and forward, aiming towards just barely by the out line, it was Iwaizumi who predicted his play, dropping down and picking up this insane ball, sending it up into the air. In half of a moment, he is once again on his feet, running towards the center of the net. Before Bokuto's feet even touched the ground as he fell down after his jump, the ball was slipping over Oikawa's fingertips towards the net, only to be spiked so powerfully by Iwaizumi, that not one boy from Fukurodani was able to react on time. No one, except Komi, who ran towards it, falling face forward with his arm stretched out as far as it goes - but being maybe only half of an inch too short to reach it. The ball hit the floor with a bang, and then bounced away carelessly into the rear of the gymnasium.

The dreadful silence filled the gym and kept creeping into every single player's brain painfully, before a single point-marking whistle barely jerked them awake from their trance, followed by another, longer, more significant one stretched through the air. The scoreboard was now saying it as well, as the sound of paper being flipped rustled silently, after the loud and annoying whistle.

Fukurodani lost.

"Man, I thought we had them for sure" Konoha added lightly to their after-game conversation in the locker room. Somehow, no one seemed to have their spirits crushed after this game, as it sometimes was the case. Everyone seemed to be feeling... more than fine. Konoha personally thought that he would feel like it was the end of the world if they didn't beat Aoba Johsai. Why didn't he?

"Until some point, so did I" Akaashi added as he slipped his hoodie on, almost ready for departure. "I think it was the beginning of the final set where we started falling behind. We did fight well, but..." he stopped for a moment, considering his next words. Fuck it, it's the truth.

"That Oikawa person didn't drop his game for one second. He was really amazing" he finished, feeling the hot sting returning to his gut.

"Tell me about it" Komi added, "I was certain that his serves were gonna erase my arms."

Sarukui laughed, "It sure looked like it Komi. Wish I could have taken pictures of your face. I'd call them 'Constipated Libero' and organise them by numbers."

"Please, you almost shat yourself when their ace made his first spike of the game" Konoha jumped in on the bickering session, making all of boys laugh because of how true his remark was. Truth be told, they _all_ almost shat themselves when Iwaizumi punched that ball with all his might. It's simply what the man does to people - scares them to the point of shitting.

Everyone was enjoying this stress-relieving period aftermath, even Akaashi. It was therapeutic, to see all these boys who were stressing and yelling until only minutes ago, joking around and laughing, happy that they got the chance to face a team of this calibre. _It was so fun. That is all that truly matters_.

The one voice he really needed to hear right now, he wasn't hearing. Bokuto was actually the only person not laughing with his team right now. He was turned away from the group, pulling his sweatpants over his thighs, to his hips.

"Bokuto-san" Akaashi called out silently, now feeling slightly worried. What if his spirit is crushed now? He really wanted to win. What if he is hurt and won't talk to him? Or what if he is in too much pain? Oh, no what if he is crying, oh god-

"Yea?" Koutarou basically squeaked as he snapped his face towards his setter's concerned one. And he was... he was basically _glowing_ with joy. He was literally grinning blindingly, from one eye to another. His cheeks were slightly flushed, his golden eyes shining even brighter than usual.

"What's up 'Kaashi?" Koutarou asked, turning on his heel towards Akaashi when he didn't answer. Akaashi realised that he was now dead-on staring at the guy (the fact Koutarou wasn't wearing a shirt was not helping his gaping problem at all), so he blinked himself out of the haze quickly.

"N-nothing, really... You were just, uh, kinda silent. So I was worried" he stuttered.

"Yea, considering the fact you never shut the fuck up."

The recognisible voice with a hint of a smirk made both Akaashi and Bokuto look towards the door of the changing room, where Kuroo's head was poking through the frame, looking at the two of them and smirking.

"You want something or did you just come here to see me shirtless?" Bokuto suggested with a grin and a raised eyebrow, not even noticing Akaashi who had to turn his face away as he blushed ever so slightly at the said suggestion. Not noticed by Bokuto but definitely noticed by Kuroo. He squinted at Akaashi for a short moment, making a mental reminder to think about what the hell he just saw, and then he looked back at Koutarou,

"No, actually, I came here to invite your buff ass to a party I'm having tonight at my place" he was now standing inside, leaning on the wall. He looked at the rest of Fukurodani boys, 

"You're all invited of course, if you want, bring someone with you, or this is gonna be a total sausage fest" Kuroo yelled out to the boys, who answered to his invitation with a thumbs up or a nod.

"You know", he continued, casting Bokuto a glance, "considering Aoba Johsai is coming as well."

Oh, now it was Kuroo's time to wish he had a camera with him. Because, before he even finished this sentence, Koutarou's face lit up like a Christmas tree. He snapped his head towards him with wide eyes. He looked like he couldn't believe what he said.

"Surprise, Kuroo is not a fucking moron! I saw the way you look at their captain" Kuroo smirked wider, and Bokuto's blush only grew darker, spreading to his neck like an infection. Even though he felt like he would burst into flames from excitement, he was still frozen in place.

His teammates though, all groaned in unison.

"Seriously Bokuto" Konoha barked, throwing him the bitchiest look of his career. This one was for a medal.

"Ooh, now I see why we lost" Komi laughed, "you were too busy drooling over the pretty captain to actually play the game" he said as he threw his jersey in Bokuto's face. Koutarou caught the jersey and turned to his team quickly,

"No, no, no, no I swear, I didn't drool! I paid attention really- I mean _I do like him,_ but that didn't distract me from the game!" he tried to convince his smirking teammates. The thing was, though, his teammates didn't actually need any convincing. They knew their captain well enough to know that he would never let a personal issue affect his play. They just couldn't really waste this perfect opportunity to fuck with him a little.

"You like him, Bo?" Kuroo asked smugly, which stopped Bokuto's hands waving in defense. Bokuto turned to his best friend and didn't say a single thing, only opened and closed his mouth a few times, not being able to respond verbally at all. His thinking abilities were suddenly non-exsistent. Hell, it was coffeeshop all over again.

"I'll take that as a _yes_ " Kuroo said chuckling, as the rest of the team started giggling and laughing as well. Koutarou lifted his index finger and scowled at Kuroo, and just before he surely swore at him or started nagging at him in annoyance, Kuroo interrupted him,

"And I'll take _that_ as one big, fat _thank you_. So you're welcome, best bro" he smirked, and Bokuto slowly lowered his hand, his scowl softening into a childish pout.

"Tonight, at nine, my place, there will be booze and some awful music probably, drop by to celebrate Nekoma's victory tomorrow" he said, and dipped before someone's bottle of water could hit his head, instead hitting the door and dropping to the floor. Boys kept laughing and joking, already talking about what are they gonna wear or if they're even gonna be able to come by at all to the party tonight.

Bokuto, though? Oh, he was _pouncing_. He will finally have time to talk to Oikawa, he'll finally meet him for real. By now, he only heard a couple of words out of him, which weren't even an actual introduction, he shared some glances and hidden blushes, initiated a couple of giggles even. But now, there will be booze, music, his friends will be there too. He will get to know this man for real. This has already been an amazing day and it was barely past noon. He could only imagine how good tonight is going to be.

Koutarou was too involved in his excitement to turn around ever so slightly, and see Akaashi's expression. He was trying to keep it in, for just a moment longer before he can burst out to at least get some fresh air before having to talk to someone again. He needs air, he needs air _now_.

"Excuse me" he pushed Koutarou slightly to go past him and get the hell outside, just in time, before feeling a single hot tear rolling down his cheek.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, as you can see, I am surprisingly not dead. After dipping for almost two weeks due to finally finishing all my responsibilities concerning college I'm gonna start soon - I am back and ready to post regularly again :)
> 
> Also I started working on two more fics, one of which is posted now, second one on the way!!
> 
> I'm sorry if I kept anyone waiting, I'm back now and ready to keep this fic going!
> 
> This wasn't beta read because I was too eager to post it lol I missed it so much so sorry for the mistakes u might stumble upon <3


	7. Chapter 7

"This is why we can't have nice things" Bokuto huffed, for the tenth time in the past thirty minutes. He was sitting, cross-legged in front of his open closet, with a true _puzzle solving mode_ expression going on on his face.

"Don't blame me, bro. I know _exactly_ what am I gonna wear" Kuroo said, not lifting his eyes from the magazine he was reading, sprawled out on Bokuto's bed comfortably.

"That doesn't really solve my problem here, does it bro" Bokuto said in that bickering tone, also not looking away from his point of attention, his chin resting between his fingers, deep in thought.

"I just don't have anything pretty to wear!" he shouted, throwing his hands in the air, as if he accepted the fact he will have to attend this party in a worn out t-shirt and a pair of jeans.

Well, usually it didn't really matter what was he gonna wear. He had always felt like home whenever he was at Kuroo's place, and it was always both Kuroo _and him_ throwing parties. So he was always _there_ , helping him with the food and drinks and music, welcoming the guests with him, while wearing whatever the hell he found himself to be in at the moment. So, he never really cared - he knew when to doll up for the occasion and when his clothes made no difference whatsoever to how good of a time he's about to have.

Now though? A completely different situation. There were _people_ he was supposed to look good for, people he was supposed to impress. And yes, by people he does mean _hot setter from the team that kicked his ass today_. That implies, obviously.

"You know that you can always borrow something from me right? Or do you secretly think you're buffer than me, cause that would hurt my feelings" Kuroo's attempt in cheering Bokuto up was noble, but in vain, since his puzzle face was still on.

"We practically share our closets, bro. When I say _I_ have nothing to wear, I'm actually saying that _we_ don't" Koutarou answered matter-of-factly.

Kuroo sat up quickly, making the bed creak, "Bro, why don't we just go buy something? Y'know, a nice, fancy button down shirt that would accidentally be half a size too small, also accidentally putting an accent on your ripped figure?"

This time, he actually made Koutarou, who was now sprawled out on the floor in desperation - laugh out a snort.

"There is no heterosexual way to interpret that sentence, bro."

"There is nothing heterosexual about me."

Koutarou laughed sincerely and sat up, turning to Kuroo.

"How am I supposed to pull this? Am I just supposed to come up to the guy and pull a _woah, third time seeing you in one day, must be destiny_ on him?"

His hands were raised in two finger-guns as he mimicked his own voice, for some reason.

Kuroo hissed, "Oh, man, not even someone as hot as me could pull that one and pass. Too _cliché_ and definitely way too sappy."

"Sappy works sometimes!" Bokuto begged to differ.

"Does it? Does it though?" Kuroo squinted at his friend over the magazine.

Bokuto could do nothing else but sigh in desparation and puff his cheeks in a pout. He was looking away, somewhere at the wall, still looking concentrated. This is exactly how Kuroo knew this is serious business. Koutarou rarely allowed himself to display any weakness or emotion that resembled genuine fear or nervousness. As he would often put it when brought up upon a subject, _his days of being weak are over_. Not that he thought that crying or being emotional wasn't _manly_ or whatever. No sir, Bokuto Koutarou fought toxic masculinity with a burning passion, in his own ways. But he feared so deeply that people would associate him with his weak spots, to the point where he refused to let anyone believe he had any. Fortunately for Koutarou, his best friend was always there for him, in moments like this locked and ready to take Koutarou's mind off his own nervousness. That's where it dawned on him.

" _Dude!_ " Koutarou's head turned forward, where he looked at Kuroo under an intrigued eyebrow.

That was... the end of the exclamation, though. Immediately as Koutarou looked at him, he jumped off the bed with a thud on the floor and stormed out of Koutarou's bedroom with an excited expression and a wicked grin on his face. Bokuto just followed him with his eyes, used to these kinds of situations. He simply grinned to himself as he heard the front door slam shut when Kuroo ran out of his house. He fell on his back, with his hands supporting his head as a pillow.

"Yes, Kuroo?" he said to himself ironically, staring at the ceiling.

About half an hour later, though, Kuroo burst through the front door and ran past the kitchen towards the stairs, failing to notice Koutarou slicing up the pizza on the kitchen counter. Just for kicks, Bokuto let Kuroo run upstairs, stare in confusion around his room and call out his name several times before descending back towards the kitchen. His face was twisted in a squint when he glared at his friend, who was grinning.

"You called, bro?" Bokuto kept smiling.

"You're lucky you're holding that pizza hostage, otherwise you'd already have your ass beaten" Kuroo said, suppressing the urge to grin back, and managing to act out his part as a first-class drama queen. He sat across Bokuto at the kitchen counter and took himself a slice of pizza in front of him. Koutarou was already chewing on one slice with the cheeky grin on his face standing undefeated, when he noticed the bag Kuroo just placed on the chair in front of him.

"Wha's that?" he nodded towards the bag.

" _That_ , my bro, is the solution to all your problems" he grinned, intentionally not giving anything away just yet.

Bokuto's brows crumpled in question. He took another bite,

"If it's not a book called _A guide for closeted gays: How to talk to that cute setter that makes your gut go all wobbly_ , then I dunno how it could help me."

"Close, bro, quite close" Kuroo nodded, taking another slice.

"You're gonna take this bag, go upstairs, do your thing and come back down so I can give your virgin ass some constructive criticism."

"Oh, god _no_ , no, anything just not _that_ " Bokuto's head fell theatrically on the counter as he fake-sobbed and hit the surface with his clenched fist.

"I know, I know bro, but I have fate in you. You'll pull it off amazingly, I know it" he patted Koutarou on his head soothingly until he lifted himself off and snatched the bag from off the chair. He headed upstairs when he exclaimed,

"If I come back and find that box empty, Imma throw hands."

Kuroo only snickered to himself as Bokuto disappeared behind a corner, and he took another slice.

_Well_ , Bokuto thought.

_This might even work._

Even though Kuroo's instructions were clear - do ya thing and come downstairs - Bokuto couldn't help it, he had to see it for himself first. Instead of heading straight to kitchen, he first took a detour towards the bathroom upstairs. He opened the door, switched the light on, and turned to the mirror.

_And oh._

Kuroo always did have a great taste. In clothes, in food, in music, or fashion overall. But _this_ is where he might have reached his peak. What Bokuto was now looking at in that mirror - it might just work.

First of all, the pants Koutarou first pulled out of the bag were not too slim, just baggy enough around his thighs and calves so that he can move easily and feel comfortable, but man. They were definitely tighter in _certain areas_. Crucial areas, Bokuto thought. Let's be real here - Bokuto wasn't blind. He knew he had an ass to be proud of, so if he ogled a bit at it as the pants hugged it just perfectly, so what? The silver chain that hung from his front pocked to his back one was a bit of an edgy detail, but Kuroo was an edgy guy when it came to dressing up. Not gonna lie, Bokuto was kinda digging it. Especially the way it sat nicely over the side of his left thigh - he liked how it looked on him.

The shirt he wore was no different - nothing too flashy, nothing too dramatic - a perfect fit with this kind of pants. It was a pitch black button down shirt with a tiny pocket on his chest, but the sleeves weren't tight or long, they were loose and only falling down to his elbows. Even though the shirt wasn't too tight either, just like the pants, it hugged his chest, back and broad shoulders _so perfectly_ it looked unreal. Kuroo didn't stop there, though. As expected of a person as extra as him, Kuroo made sure to throw in the entire outfit in that bag, not just the clothes. There was a nice, silver watch (Bokuto never prefered those, he always rather used the ones he wasn't afraid he'd break), and a simple, but very pretty silver necklace. When he put it on, he noticed that it wasn't visible because of the collar of the shirt, so he popped a button or two. Since he was finally ready, and satisfied with himself, he left the bathroom and headed towards the stairs.

"Dude, didn't I tell you to come d-"

"Yea, yea, I know, I just wanted to see it myself first."

Kuroo was standing at the bottom of the staircase, his foot already on the first step, where he stopped. Bokuto was looking down at him, fidgeting with the watch on his wrist.

And Kuroo was... speechless. It was actually such a cute expression - his lips were slightly parted and his eyes were open wide, as if he couldn't get himself to look away. Bokuto couldn't help it, he smiled smugly and arched his eyebrow slightly,

"Careful, bro. Your gay is showing."

Kuroo seemed to shake himself out of the stun physically as he blinked several times. He blushed ever so slightly and shook his head a bit. Then, his mouth opened and closed a couple of times, but he still didn't say anything. Bokuto thought it was adorable.

"You like it?" Koutarou couldn't stop smiling as he descended towards Kuroo. There was just something about being looked at like this. Knowing you look good and knowing someone thinks you're attractive, even if it's your best bro.

Koutarou decided he liked this feeling.

Kuroo cleared his throat, and finally said, very intelligently,

"Woah."

"I know, right?"

"I mean, just... _woah_ " he shook his head.

"Aren't I?" Koutarou spread his arms, like a peacock, striking a pose.

"This is gonna work" Kuroo decided, finally looking Koutarou in the eye.

"It better" Koutarou said, turning away to change into his previous clothes, not willing to risk a stain. "If people are gonna look at me like _that_ , then at least I can hope Oikawa will be one of those people."

He was just turning at the corner when he yelled out,

"And stop staring at my ass!"

Not that he minded really, but the blushed face he knew Kuroo was making now that he's caught was somehow worth the pretending. Kuroo didn't mind either. After all, he'll get to stare at the party.

"I never saw you wearing this, is it new or something?" Bokuto asked when he returned to his friend in the living room, once again in his shorts and a t-shirt. Kuroo still looked him up and down for some reason (it _still_ felt good).

"Yup, I got it only last week when I went to the mall with Kenma. That's why I didn't remember it until now, I forgot I had it in the first place" he explained as Koutarou sat on the sofa.

"Are you sure you don't wanna wear it? I mean, it's completely new" he started, but Kuroo was already shaking his head.

"Worry not, bro, I already know what am I gonna wear. You look better in this anyways" he said sincerely.

"Well of course, I am the hot one after all" Bokuto crossed his arms over his chest with a smug smile on his face.

Kuroo snorted, "more like, the short one. I saw that you cuffed the pants."

"I'm not short! I'm short- _er_ than you! Big difference!" Koutarou exclaimed, his relaxed features completely gone now, as he pointed his index finger at Kuroo.

"Besides," he leaned back into the sofa again, "you're a fucking giant, it's not hard to be shorter than you. You have to bend down to manage to go through a door frame."

"Lil' shrimpy boy" Kuroo said with a grin, knowing exactly how to piss off Bokuto. Which he managed, obviously, since they ended up wrestling until Bokuto made Kuroo surrender - which he _did_ , but only to say something like,

"You should respect your elders shorty", before running for his life through Koutarou's house - even though he is youger than him. Yeah, he definitely has some experience in annoying Bokuto like a pro.

As always, their time together passed very quickly, since they have _never_ been bored while in each other's presence, for as long as they have known each other. It was 6pm and even though there wasn't much to be done at Kuroo's house, they still headed over early, to make sure everything is ready. Koutarou showered, got dressed and ready and they were out.

After yet another chaotic trip to the local supermarket (poor employees that had witnessed their visits to this store over the years), they were finally at Kuroo's place. Koutarou made the final touches, especially making sure there was enough to drink and that everything was tidy before everyone came.

Meanwhile, Kuroo was getting ready himself and he took _forever_. How fucking long does a guy need to shower and put on a shirt? Bokuto could bet whatever you want that Kuroo was in there right now, trying to handle the mess that was his hair. He could also bet that Kuroo will still enter this room with his hair looking the same as always. There was no taming that thing.

Koutarou's head turned towards the door when he heard a knock and a very bad attempt at a serenade coming from his teammates. He laughed out loud at just how _bad_ it sounded and how the neighbours are gonna make sure this party ends before it has even started. Not that they aren't used to it.

"I knew I heard something ugly approaching" Koutarou laughed as he swung the door open to his friends.

"Sarukui, Komi, I'm looking at you" he grinned and stepped aside to let them in.

"What the hell, bro, I'm gorgeous" Komi said as he entered the room. He pointed at Koutarou, "and you know it."

"Washio was singing too, how come he isn't ugly?" Sarukui argued.

"Because I'm stunning" Washio said, quite matter-of-factly, as he passed them all and joined Komi inside.

"True" Onaga confirmed, nodding and matching Bokuto's impressed face.

Konoha rolled his eyes, and Yukie, Kaori and a couple of other friends from Fukurodani entered together as well, handing over some booze to Koutarou as they greeted him.

"Looking good, captain!" the girls smiled when they passed him by into the house.

"How come you're celebrating Bokuto? Seijoh did kick your ass today" one of their friends laughed as she sat herself in the living room comfortably.

"Don't be fooled - this whole thing is just his excuse to hook up with a guy he likes" Konoha jumped in before Koutarou even had a chance to respond. Then, he sipped on his vodka that he poured himself, and he did so in an especially bitchy way. No, not screwdriver - but pure, clean vodka. The man just liked asserting dominance in any way he could. For all it mattered he could be drinking acetone instead, it would taste the same.

Koutarou only allowed himself a moment to be startled by Konoha's remark, before he realised something he couldn't believe he didn't pick up on sooner.

"Uh, Konoha, where is Akaashi? I mean, he's coming, right?" he said loudly over the music and people already talking and laughing.

"Yes, he is, even though, for some reason, it took me quite some convincing to make sure he does" Konoha said as he came closer to Koutarou, so that he doesn't have to yell. But why did this sound kinda... sarcastic? Actually, not really sarcastic, but somehow accusatory, since he said it over his cup with a look that was apparently supposed to be giving Bokuto a hint about something obvious. You know, the one under an arched brow with a little frown at the corner of the lips.

But this wasn't really telling Koutarou much. Why wouldn't Akaashi want to come? Is he sick? And if he is, why does Konoha look so annoyed that Koutarou isn't aware of it? He isn't a mind-reader, how is he supposed to know?

Before Bokuto got a chance to ask him this very question, Kuroo finally showed up to his own party, fashionably late.

"Yoo, Fukurodani! What's up!" he exclaimed and spread his arms as he entered the room. Also, Koutarou decided that he forgives him for taking so goddamn long, since he looked absolutely stunning. Just like Koutarou, he wore nothing too flashy, but someone as good looking as Kuroo can pull off any combination whatsoever (what, he can't think his bro is gorgeous?). It was no different with this dark red button down shirt that he wore with his sleeves rolled up and two top buttons popped.

Everyone greeted him and soon enough kept on with their own conversations and laughter soon filled the entire room. This is what Bokuto loved about these parties. There was never any worrying whether people will have fun or will they get along with other people and enjoy themselves. All of their friends were great, kind people who always made sure to get along with everyone. And Koutarou was more than thankful.

"You know that you don't have to, right? No one will be mad, Akaashi."

Keiji looked himself in his mirror, inhaled deeply as if he were recomposing himself, and then he left the bathroom. Back in the living room, Kenma was sitting on Keiji's sofa, already dressed and ready for the party. It was an understatement to say how much he didn't want to go, but Kuroo is simply _Kuroo_. Also, Akaashi looked like he needed some support, so if Akaashi is going, he is going as well.

"I know," Keiji sighed, and sat himself down across Kenma. "And I probably wouldn't go, if Aoba Johsai wasn't coming. You know, then it would only be our friends" he continued, pulling his shoe on his foot. "This way, it would just be rude not to come. What would that look like?" he asked, not really waiting for an answer. "Fukurodani lost, so their official setter refused to come to the party and remained home, sulking like a sore loser."

Kenma didn't say anything as he quietly listened to Akaashi's rambling and observed his somewhat erratic movements. He looked... annoyed. Or anxious even. This was quite a new kind of emotion Akaashi is letting himself display. He never saw him like this. Akaashi was always so grounded, and stable and unyielding. This was very out of character for Akaashi, Kenma thought.

"Akaashi" he lifted his chin to look at Kenma under his eyebrow. Kenma's voice was quiet and soothing, drawing his attention.

Akaashi's eyes dropped again to his hands settled between his legs. 

"What's wrong?" he tried, with the same tone as before. "You know you can tell me anything."

And Akaashi knew. As always, Akaashi was aware that Kenma's words aren't empty or meaningless. He'd never say something he doesn't mean, or offer his help when he doesn't intend on helping in the first place. Akaashi knew it. And yet...

He sighed, and rubbed his face with his palms and fingers, "I don't really... know."

God, he wished he knew what is it. He wanted to put it into words so badly, but he himself didn't know how to name this feeling. It hurt, it was painful and it was heavy and dreadful and he carried it this entire day.

"I don't know what's wrong" he repeated and looked Kenma in the eye.

Kenma waited for a moment, mulling over what was he about to say. It was time for Kenma to take a wild guess.

"Is this about Bokuto?"

Akaashi's eyes shot up immediately, with a confused and worried and troubled expression washing over his face. _Yes,_ Akaashi thought.

"No" he said, not breaking eye contact. "Of course not, he didn't do anything."

"I'm not saying he _did_ something, Akaashi. He's a great guy" Kenma started, and Akaashi diverted his eyes from him once more.

"But you already know that. _Don't you, Akaashi?"_

Akaashi's brain halted, and he kept his gaze steady, not even daring to blink. The room went quiet, neither of them looking away.

The silence was interrupted after a moment, when Kenma's phone rang on the coffee table. Akaashi let out a breath he didn't even know he was holding, and he stood up as Kenma reached for his phone. He pinched the bridge of his nose and rubbed hard, trying to clear his racing mind.

"It was Kuroo, let's get going" Kenma said, not looking up from his phone as he collected his jacket and started walking towards the door.

"Yeah" Akaashi agreed silently and followed behind him, when Kenma suddenly stopped and turned to look at Akaashi. He stopped, and waited.

"Why don't we just go and try to have some fun" Kenma proposed, a small smile appearing on his lips. He waited a moment, and then continued, "I know this isn't usually our kind of thing, but I think that it's a perfect opportunity to get your mind off whatever it is that's bothering you."

Akaashi couldn't help it, he smiled back at his friend and nodded gently.

"If you don't feel comfortable with it, I will never push you into telling me what it is. But I have to make sure you know that, if you need someone to hear you out, I'm always available. I promise" Kenma said, with the most genuine and affectionate voice Akaashi has ever heard from him. Once again, he couldn't help it. He took two steps forward and hugged Kenma tightly, and Kenma swung his arms around his middle as well, hugging him back. Once they separated, they exchanged another gentle smile, and finally got going.

"Aww, man! What kinda balls _are_ these?" Lev whined loudly as he missed yet another cup, the ping-pong ball bouncing away in the kitchen.

"They are good balls, you just suck ass at beer pong" Yaku exclaimed, leaning back on the kitchen counter with his cup in his hands.

Inuoka laughed, leaning on the wall, "How can you be so bad at this? You're a volleyball player, you should at least have _some_ skill."

"Remind me why did we let him be on our team?" Yamamoto scowled, lifting his brow at Kuroo.

"Now, now" he began with a smirk on his lips, "in the end, it _is_ team against team. For better or for worse-" he stopped short as Lev somehow managed to hit Yaku's left eye with the ball, even though he is behind him.

"More like, _for worse, period_ " Kuroo sighed, "he _is_ on our team. So lighten up! He's not even that bad" he finished, with an asshole grin on his face. He didn't even look at Yamamoto, but he felt his glare from his side - just as Lev ran past them out of the kitchen, yelling something that sounded like,

_No, please, not my limbs!_

"Yea, he's a prodigy, alright" Yamamoto snorted and Kuroo followed his suit, laughing out loud.

His attention was drawn by the sound of the doorbell. He turned his head around the room, looking for Koutarou. But, he was too busy winning a tight beer pong game to actually hear the bell ringing. This man needs to be stopped, Kuroo thought.

"Ay, Bo!" he shouted over the table to get his attention. Bokuto stopped short with his hands still in the air victoriously. He nudged his head, silently asking _what?_ and lowered his arms finally.

Kuroo pointed over his shoulder with his thumb, in the direction of his living room.

"Could'ya get the door?" he shouted. Bokuto made that _what the fuck_ kind of expression.

"I'm kinda busy busting your team's ass over here! You go get it!"

"Actually, it's Nekoma's turn, so you can go" Konoha stepped in helpfully, smiling slyly over his cup when Koutarou glared at him, when he heard the bell ring again.

Either way, he turned on his heel and headed towards the door, mumbling to himself something along the lines of, "treason" or "mutiny" or something like that. Kuroo didn't hear. He was too busy granting him with a wide ass shit eating grin over his cup.

Bokuto sighed through his pout as he reached for the doorknob, pressing on it and pulling the front door open.

He lifted his gaze, and just as he opened his mouth to greet the new gests cheerfully, his breath got caught in his throat, and he once again found himself halted.

"Hope we're not late"

The cheerful voice on that soft, smiling face stunned Bokuto once again today, and he found himself unable not to smile back. Tooru Oikawa was standing on the porch, with all his friends behind him and a drink or two in a bag he was holding in his hands. As usual, his looks took Koutarou's breath away.

Only this time around, luckily, Koutarou remembered himself. He straightened up, cleared his throat, and smiled even wider. He stepped aside to let them come in.

"Are you kidding? We're just getting started"

Was he going crazy or did Tooru blush a little just now? No, no, he is imagining. Definitely. He wasn't light-weight, but apparently, the drinks already had an effect on him. That must have been it.

Seijoh boys passed by him and they all introduced themselves nicely, walking inside and already introducing themselves to all the guests inside as well.

When the last guy stepped in, Bokuto smiled to him as well and stretched out his arm, offering his hand to shake and expecting him to introduce himself too.

And he did, but... the vibe was somehow off with this dude. The dark haired guy, barely shorter than Koutarou shook his hand, all while _glaring_ at him, his posture somewhat threatening.

"Iwaizumi Hajime" he said, and then kept glaring until Bokuto's smile disappeared from his face.

"Uh, Bokuto. Bokuto Koutarou" he answered, his eyebrow arched in confusion as he tried to figure out what's this guy's deal.

"Iwa-chan! Stop intimidating people! You'll have time for that later, we _just_ came here" Tooru stomped towards the two at the door, and hugged Iwaizumi around his arm, pulling him away.

"I'm so sorry about him, he just can't help but be rude! Must be an illness or something" Tooru exclaimed, all while smiling, which only seemed to annoy Iwaizumi even more.

"God, you're trash" Iwaizumi scoffed and pulled away out of Oikawa's grip, walking away from them with his hands in his pockets.

As he walked away, both Koutarou and Tooru couldn't help but to let out a giggle.

"Short tempered much?" Koutarou said, still giggling and reveling in Tooru's soft smile.

"Oh, you have _no idea_ " he laughed. "What you just saw is just a slice of what I have to put up with every day. Man has no manners is all."

They both let themselves laugh for a little bit longer, before it died down and they both felt their cheeks get hotter. Koutarou did notice it this time and he was now sure it wasn't just because of the drinks.

"Oikawa?" he started, having two beautiful, warm eyes look up into his own. The name felt good on his tongue. And Tooru thought that it sounded good said with his voice as well.

"Yes, _Bokuto?_ " Tooru emphasised, grinning widely.

Koutarou did all he could to get over the heat in his cheeks and the warm, bubbly sensation pooling in his gut. He smiled and looked at Tooru again,

"Would you like something to drink?"

"That's the best offer I got today" Tooru answered with a genuine smile.

"Well," Koutarou smiled and turned to guide him inside,

"the night just started."

Tooru stopped for a moment and then his lips pulled into a grin again, and he chuckled, as he pushed a strand of his hair behind his ear, feeling Koutarou's eyes on him. He followed behind Koutarou, before he reached him and took him by his biceps. As they walked forward, they didn't notice Konoha, Matsukawa and Hanamaki all sigh and roll their eyes, but Koutarou did see his best bro giving him two thumbs up over his drink.

And, needless to say, Koutarou was in seventh heaven.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me: *dips for a month and then slides into the room wearing pink roller skates and an ice coffee in hand*
> 
> Why hello, I was gone for a while BUT I have an excuse
> 
> I was watching Assassination Classroom and Banana Fish for the first time and oh mY GOD
> 
> Absolute perfection *chef's kiss*
> 
> Also, obviously there won't be only 10 chapters! :)
> 
> Thank you for all your comments on all my fics including this one, I love y'all and I hope you enjoy this chapter!
> 
> Maya: *points a gun at my head* and the next chapter is coming out when?
> 
> Me: *sweating* SOON I PROMISE


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